In my relationship with my husband I have ebbed and flowed my way through almost 19 years of marriage. Having been married before to a less then admirable man, I know how lucky I am to have such a great husband, but trust me there are days and there have been weeks sometimes when I lose track of why I love him and why I married him and literally just want to kick him. Until a few weeks ago I thought I was alone in this. A few weeks ago I met my NLMS (Newsletter Mom's) friends for lunch and we started talking about our husbands. I was relieved to learn that they had all been in the ebb of their relationships before and they all had dealt with frustrations similar to mine. There was a camaraderie of sorts as we reassured each other that it gets better, than worse, and then better again, thus the ebb and the flow of marriage.
Since no one is perfect, it stands to reason that there is no perfect relationship. Having been married to an alcoholic liar, I am well aware what is on the other side of the coin. Having a man that loves me and would do anything for me has been a big change from what I had in 1983, but it does not make it any easier when you are down in the marriage trenches slogging it out. Marriage and life its self is not and will never be easy, it is work and like any work the more time and energy you put into it the more you get out of it. There is no easy recipe there is just good old fashioned elbow grease.
The same can be said for children, again no recipe just hard work filled with frustration and disappointment. You pour every bit of who you are into these souls and some days they just look at you with hatred and hostility. Children can be ungrateful and disrespectful; they can also be the greatest joy of your life and the source of some of the greatest happiness you have ever known.
What all of this is is the real deal…life. You cannot wrap it up with a bow and make it pretty because stuff just hangs out, life and relationships are complicated and when things are real, they are raw and open. All you can do is ride the wave of the flow and sit tight through the ebb and eventually it all levels back out. All the reasons you fell in love, got married and had children slowly come back into focus and you realize that you are the real deal. You are not more or less than anyone else. You are owed nothing and you must work for everything and you are like everyone else, just trying to make it through life…real life.
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