Frustration

Well, the doctor concurred that Aly's recent illness is most probably due to her still fighting to heal from the Pilonidal cyst and surgery. Her immune system is just so low right now that her body cannot fend off anything. As a mother this is one of the most frustrating things I have ever been through. I have a friend whose small 5 year old son suffers from a chronic illness call mitochondrial disease. He is in and out of the hospital all of the time. She has expressed her frustration, distress and sadness to me many times and until recently, I did not have a full understanding of her feelings.

I just want Aly to be better now. She has been through enough and she has missed enough school. Aly was cast a couple months ago to play the lead in the school play and she has also signed up to go on a mission trip over spring break in April. All of this is in jeopardy because she cannot stay healthy. I have listened to my friend talk about her son and her hopes and dreams for him and I never understood the heart wrenching exasperation at not being able to make her son well, until now.

I stand by caring for Aly's wound from the surgery and caring for her health when it is failing. I take her back and forth to the doctor and support her as much as I can and all I ask in return is for her to be healthy. I am her Mom, that is what I am suppose to do, make her better, and yet that has not happened. Aly is frustrated and brave, she has days when she is down and wants it all to be over now and days like yesterday when she decided to go to practice even though she was not 100 % because people were counting on her.

Somehow in the middle of all of this I forgot one thing, I never handed any of this to God. I have held tight to my job as a Mom and my responsibility to Aly, and I forgot that her heavenly father has a plan for her. It is time to hand all of this to him and let his will be done. I am working so hard to make it all better and that is not my job. I can honestly say that other then at the hospital I have not let God handle any of this. I pretty much shoved him out of the way and took over. Maybe it is time to hand the healing and frustration back to God. I suspect that all of us (Aly, me and God) all want the same thing. Perhaps instead of us all working separately we should work together. As the old saying goes, "many hands make light work". I am ready for my load to be lighter and I am sure Aly is too.

I know my friend prays everyday that her son has a good day and she has shared that her son is an inspiration to her because of his attitude. There is a lesson in that as well. We might be Mom's, but we are still people and we can learn a lesson from anyone of any age. Today is the day I choose to turn all of this around I am handing the healing to God and changing my attitude about our health journey. I am not alone in this I was just not utilizing my team. I might be the Mom, but there is someone with a little more pull out there ready willing and able to help. Today, I am taking my hands off the wheel and letting the frustration go.