Past and Presents

I was about two here...saddly, (I must admit)
I still have this dress!

When I was a little girl Christmas was the ultimate day of the year. It is actually the one day I can say that I felt special and loved. I am not sure why, but my Mom went all out. She pulled out every stop. Perhaps it was something she learned from her Mom and Dad, I have no idea, but I do know that Christmas was my time of year. Other than the one Christmas when my Mom thought it would be "funny" to fill her 6 year old daughters stocking with coal, I remember my childhood Christmases being very special.

 Our house would be filled with Christmas music and decorations. Mom was not a cook, so there was little baking or even food for that matter, but there was a spirit in the air. You could feel my Moms joy. I love to tell the story of the Christmas we drove my Mom's Volkswagen Beetle to the Christmas tree lot to buy a tree. We chose the tree and tied it to the car, as we drove home the tree started to slide and as we rounded a curve near our home the tree slid off the roof of the car and was dangling off the passenger's side of the car. With peals of laughter we got the tree home and up the stairs of our apartment only to find that the tree was too tall. We essentially shoved the tree up between the floor and the ceiling. The tree bent over so that the tip of the tree was bent and that is where we hung an ornament since no self respecting angel would be caught on a tree top like that.

 I have worked hard through the years to bring the same joy and fun to Christmas for my own children. In recent years I have lost the magical spirit I once had. Some of this could be due to the horrific last two years, where I lost my Mom and then all of the stress brought on by my Dad's escapades and subsequent death, there is also the fact that my girls are getting older and it is hard to maintain this fever pitched Christmas bar so high. There is no mystery left, no sense of magic, it is lists of wants and lists of food and lists of tasks and they have all brought me to a dark place that I am trying hard to stay out of. I need a little Christmas. Just a little shot of the true meaning and the real old fashioned spirit I remember.

 I hope that today I can complete my list of To Dos and turn it into a TA DA list. I want to be done with the shopping, planning, wrapping and thinking and get down to the part where I am thankful, thoughtful and filled with joy. I am ready to focus on the reason for the season and not the tasks. Perhaps by changing my focus the magic I remember will come back. I made an effort yesterday to keep a smile on my face as I grocery shopped. My hope was that perhaps a smile in the right direction would bring a smile back to me. My plan worked, people would smile as I caught there eye and I would walk away feeling like I had just touched someone's life, or maybe even changed their day. I am going out for one last round of "Gotta gets" today and I think I will keep up the smiling. If nothing else it will give people something to talk about at Christmas dinner. Christmas dinner tables all over town will be talking about the crazy lady that was roaming the stores with a stupid grin on her face, just a little something that everyone can laugh about as they pass the cheesy potatoes.