Fair Expectations

Expectations are tricky things. You expect it to be sunny on your wedding day, but it rains. You expect people to treat you like you treat them, but they don't. You expect people to keep promises, but they let you down. You learn over time that expectations are something that you can put on yourself, but when you have expectations of anything else you are most likely headed for disappointment.

I remember years ago, I use to go to a Stay-at-home Mom conference called Hearts at Home.
Hearts at Home was a faith based conference that encouraged mothers young and old to hang in there and fight the good fight at preparing our children for life. Each year my girlfriend and I would head out kissing our families good-bye for the weekend and enjoying workshop after workshop on how to be good mothers and wives. We would drive home from the conference full of excitement and enthusiasm to share what we had learned with our families, only to open our front doors and find our homes in disarray and our families less than enthusiastic about our return.

As time went on we started lowering our expectations. We knew that we were asking a lot for our husbands to do what we did every day (just the way we always did it too!), but a girl can dream can't she? And that is exactly what it was, an unfair expectation, or a dream, if you will. We started reminding each other when we left for the conference to be happy for the time we spent pouring into ourselves and our chosen career of motherhood and come home with no expectations. It was the only way to enjoy the time away from home, open the front door and be happy to see our families. That was when I started to realize that the expectations that I placed anywhere but on myself were too high a bar for life to meet.

There is no reason to stop wishing or dreaming, but if you expect someone to act a certain way or believe as you do you will be disappointed. If you think that the way you have always done something is the best and only way, you will find in time that some may challenge your expectation when you press them. The only fair expectation is the one you put on yourself. The only fair disappointment in your expectations not being met should come when you let yourself down. I guess it is fair to say that I am still learning the lesson about expectations. I often still expect that things that others do will be different or less hurtful, or even make sense, but the real gift here is that now I can remind myself that as long as I allow myself to expect anything from anyone else it is not a fair expectation. The only fair expectation is that I will be learning this lesson for most of my life.