What is Happening

The job of mothering is the hardest most unappreciated job I have ever done. I have helped my children through illness. I have changed their diapers and cleaned up their vomit. I have also laughed with my children and cried with my children and sometimes even cried because of my children. I love them unconditionally, but sometimes I just do not like them very much. I am a Mom, but I am human. Motherhood is the only job you work yourself out of on purpose and sometimes it feels like the time should go faster and then other times the time is too fast. I tell you all of this, because I am trying to come to grips with the mother in Florida that chose to kill her 13 year old son and 16 year old daughter last week for being mouthy.

The Florida mother shot the son twice in the head after soccer practice and then drove home left him in the car, went in the house and shot her daughter while she was at the computer in her room doing her homework. My heart hurts. I am trying to understand this violent act by a mom. In the past I have stated concerns for the mothers in situations where the children were hurt or killed, wondering over how no one helped them or saw the signs. This has somehow hit very close to home for me and I find myself tearing up and my heart feeling like someone is grabbing it.

My daughters are 14 and 16 years old and they can be mouthy. They can also be loving and funny and caring. They are normal teenagers trying hard to break away from me without letting go and it is a balancing act for all of us. I have lost my temper and yelled and I have had times where I have smacked their bottoms and even gone too far by smacking a face when the lippyness got to be too much, I made a bad choice. But hearing about this mother and her choice to kill her children struck me to the core.

How do people get to this point? How do they decide that killing people at a political gathering or entering a police station and shooting to kill the officers is a good idea? Why do I suddenly feel older? I find myself thinking, what is happening to our world? How did we get here? I cannot decide if it is the prevalence of the media now, or if the world is just going crazy. The hardest part for me is the worry. Are my children safe? Is my family safe? How do you know anymore when it feels like so many are making dangerous choices and hurting innocent people? What is happening?

These events have made me more aware of the limited time I have with my children. I need to stand a little closer to the nest and make sure that my children know that they are the best and that I love them. I also want them to know that when it is time for them to fly that the nest will be open if they ever need to return. That cannot keep them safe from others, but at least they will know that while they are here Mark and I will do all we can to care for them and keep them safe. That is the best I can do while the world goes crazy. They might not appreciate it now, but someday they will.