Preparing to Give Thanks

Today I finally have time to prepare a few things for our Thanksgiving. We (I) generally keep it simple. The usual suspects land on my Thanksgiving table, turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy and some green veggie. I do not like my vegetables smothered in mushroom soup, I feel that is cruel and unusual punishment and no way to treat a vegetable. I always bake a sweet potato or two just for me. My family has no interest in it, but it reminds me of when I was young and these days I do what I can to remain youthful.

Anymore I skip the rolls it just fills us up and then we all moan and make horrible sounds…it’s just not pretty! I do however make pie…always pumpkin pie, but this year I am introducing a new pie to the lineup, I am going to try my hand at Pecan pie. I saw a recipe on Pinterest and thought it might be fun to try something new, so I mentioned it to my Husband and he said “Pecan Pie is one of my favorites!” OKAY!? Hold up a second, we have been married 21 years, why is this the first time I am hearing that pecan pie is his favorite? Obviously now I have to make it! I am a little nervous now that I have the “favorite” bar dangling in front of me. I can only hope I reach it or exceed it, I mean after all the man has been waiting for 21 years for his wife to get to know him.

I know that when it is all said and done it will be a wonderful meal. We will have all three of our girls here with us which make me very grateful. There will our yummy traditional meal, lots of talking and laughing and time together which we have not had in a very long time. It will take a little work, but we will be prepared to be thankful and full of the Thanksgiving bounty. I pray that all your preparations go smoothly, that your family is with you in person or in spirit and that you can enjoy every minute. Finally I hope that you learn something new about the ones that you love.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

In Plain Sight

This morning I was rushing through my house, I was trying to get ready to head to the airport to pick up my oldest daughter who will be spending a week with us over Thanksgiving. Rush, rush, rush! It was time to go and I could not find my keys…AGH, doesn’t that drive you CRAzY? Where are they?  I checked my purse, I checked my coat pockets and then I checked places I did not think they would be just in case they were there…but they were nowhere to be found. Annoyed, I rushed out the door with our spare car key and hit the road. I certainly did not want to be late picking my girl up from the airport.

About a half hour into my drive I looked over to where I normally set my purse and my heart started to race…NO PURSE. YIKES! In my rushing and scrambling I had skipped a vital part of leaving the house, grabbing my purse. I had no choice but to continue on without it, I was already knee deep into my drive, there was no turning back now.

Once I arrived at the airport I picked up my girl and headed back towards home. After a good amount of talking I realized that we were way past where I should have turned onto the next highway. I had no choice but to take the long way home. There is a point in an already not so great situation that you just have to say a prayer and hope for the best, and that’s what we did. It took a little longer than we liked but we made it home.

Once in the door I ran to my purse and started rummaging into the pockets that I had dug through several times before I left the house and there in the tiny inside pocket that I had dug my hand into over and over again before I left…were my keys, in plain sight. How does that happen? I am just happy to be home with my daughter and my purse both in plain sight!

Passing Time

Time is passing faster and faster. Everyday feels like I just woke up and then turn around to head back to bed. I find myself wondering if the time is flying because of the holidays coming or the fact that my family will all be home for Thanksgiving and my endless list making and preparation shoves time forward. Either way, I went to sleep Monday night, today I woke up to Friday morning. I will not annoy you with wondering where time might have gone; it has just gone, period.

The endless planning and preparing for our short spurt of time with family during the holidays can be daunting and exhilarating all at once. We want each and every thing to hold the memories that we cherish and swell our hearts with love. I find it myself second guessing and rearranging and finally going back to my original plan. I also plot and scheme to make special moments that can be time stamps for us to look back on, when I already know that those special times are never planned they just happen.

Time just flies there is no real reason other than we are flying, our brains are flying and our excitement pushes us faster and faster. In the end, the calm as we relax after we have eaten and talked and laughed is our reward. Peaceful quiet that will last until the dishes are cleaned, then we will climb into bed on Thanksgiving night and wake up to find that it is already Christmas Eve.

Time will fly and it will be gone, but the warm memories will hold us through the cold of winter and the memories will be like flannel pajamas keeping us cozy and comfy for another year. For now we just travel through time as fast as we can, gathering our memories, making lists and longing for a slower pace.

The Confession

Maybe you will remember that yesterday I shared how I recognized my need to do too much and that I was seeing the same issues bubbling up in my daughter? They say the first step to change is realizing you have a problem and I am face to face with this problem this morning. It is currently 4:41 AM and I am plunking away on my computer because my brain woke me as it began trolling through all the things I want to do today. Since I am determined to keep up with my writing (lucky you) my brain kept reminding me that time was short today so if I wanted to, write, workout, have breakfast, make my daughter a smoothie before school, work on a couple of recipes, clean my bathroom and shower all before I run errands at 10:00 AM my brain wanted me up and making lists.

To be fair some of this impulse to GO GO GO is fueled by the fact that my youngest daughter is in her school play this weekend and my lovely middle daughter is coming home for a short visit to see the show along with some rotating family members and friends that will be rotating in and out of the picture as they come to see Avery’s play. Next Tuesday my oldest daughter will fly in and spend a week with us and my middle daughter will also return so that we can all have Thanksgiving together. This means I need to clean, buy food, buy more food, clean more (not that things are dirty, I am just a freak) and go see the play three times. I will also run to a couple stores…okay, probably at least three, paint some furniture that I want to update (this is one of the items that does not have to be done, but I really want to do…yes I am nuts!) so everything looks just so (AGH) and maybe spend some time with my husband who is heading out of town for work tomorrow morning. Did I mention that I might have a problem?

So as I sit here looking at myself in this mental mirror it reminds me again that what I see in my children that worries me the most, are all things that blend into what look a lot like me. I see it but like all good addicts I have it figured out and I will fix it later when it is more convenient, like after the holidays for example. HEY, don’t judge me; you have your own mirror to look into!

It is time to get moving and start checking off things on my list. I have confessed, and now I must move on. Obviously I cannot complain since I am fully aware of my problem and capable of recognizing it in others and totaling unwilling to do anything about it right now…WOW, that really sounds like an addict doesn’t it? This problem is definitely something I will take a look at after the holidays…if I have time.

The Mirror

This morning I had to look in the mirror and it wasn’t pretty. This morning’s mirror was my daughter, frantic, running late and snapping like a cranky turtle. I was not pleased with her demeanor, but I recognized it and that was harder to take than her attitude. Sadly, she has learned from a professional hostage taker, how to handle her stress. I saw all my moves as I watched her. The sharp tone, the pointing at what others have done (or are doing) that contributes to the frantic state and the flying around the house hoping to shave some time off of the lateness.

Now what do I do. She was trained by a master, she is skilled and talented at this craft and somehow I have to untrain her. This mirror is not reflecting what I want my daughter to be. I was primed and ready to admonish her for always running late and grill her about why she did not plan ahead better and then I stopped myself…I know why. In fairness, some of her tardiness traits are her own. Many are also more teenage traits than anything else, but I could see a lot of myself in my baby girl and I did not like the reflection.

Having this mirror reflecting back at me was a harsh way to wake up, but I was also glad for a glimpse, so that I could use this shot of reality to step back and reevaluate myself. I am the one who has to make the first move here. I have to step up, take a deep slow breath and realize that my need to do everything, over plan and gather as much from life’s buffet as I can, may not be the best way to enjoy life and it is not the way I want my daughter to step into hers.

Sometimes the worst part of reflections is the glare and this morning’s glare was a doozie. There glinting back at me were my own flaws, gently disguised in this pretty young girls face and there was no way to grab them back. I realize now as I sit reflecting on my own flaws that I will have to have this conversation one day soon with my sweet young reflection. I will have to share with her that I need to make some changes and gently and lovingly let her know that sometimes what you see in the mirror is not a true reflection of who you want to be. While the view this morning was not pretty, the reflection definitely taught me a lot. 

Taking the Stairs

Life is like taking the stairs. You walk up, you get winded, you think you are almost to the top and then realize you have another floor to go. Better yet, you go up and down because you keep forgetting something below. Up and down, up and down, like a roller coaster using your legs.

I have been up and down life’s stairs often. I always like going up, I like feeling myself progress and move forward. I feel good about myself I perch on the landing enjoying moving up and being in a positive place. I sometimes get a little cocky like I will be perched here happy and complacent for the rest of my life, but then someone I love tumbles down a few steps or I slip a few and down I go and I scratch my head disappointed that I allowed myself to think things would always stay the same.

Life’s staircase can draw you into a false sense of well being. It is always so disappointing to realize that you cannot be at the top forever. I remember years ago when a good friend left a company we were working for. I was offered her job and I was afraid to try to fill her shoes. She was amazing at her job and I was intimidated. That is when my friend said something that I always remember. “There will always be someone to take your spot, you can never fool yourself into believing that you are the best or the only in anything because when you believe that about yourself you are already not good enough, because you will never try to grow and be better than you are right now”. WOW! So I climbed those stairs and learned that job and the next job and the next, working my way up in the company.

It is so easy to want (wish or pray) for every chaotic thing in your life to end, but those uncomfortable stairs are what help us grow stronger and smarter. So you go up and down a few times until you figure out what the next step is or you linger on the landing a little longer hoping that you can keep climbing and sometimes you step back down, regroup and climb up again. Then one day you climb up and move past a few landings and you grow and become better than you are right now on life’s staircase.

Hunger

Hun·ger

 noun \ˈhəŋ-gər\

: a very great need for food : a severe lack of food

: an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach that is caused by the need for food

: a strong desire : a strong desire for something or to do something

-Merriam-Webster.com

Hunger has been on my mind lately. I am currently taking a medication for this lingering illness, which causes a loss of appetite and sleeplessness. I am experiencing both. Fun stuff? No, but it has me thinking so that’s a good thing, considering I have lacked ambition for the last three weeks. A n y way…

I find it interesting that I suddenly can eat very little and not be starving for more food. I am also curious what happens in my brain that normally pushes me to want to eat more than I really need to. I no longer have that hungry feeling. On the other hand I am waking up at 3:30/4:00 AM bright eyed and frustrated with a strong desire (or “hunger” if you will) to continue sleeping even though my body does not want to. I find it interesting that the word hunger can mean lack of something and a lust for something. I am lacking food, but I am lusting for rest, all in the name of a hunger.

Perhaps you hunger for something. Maybe you have a great need or desire that is causing you to have an uncomfortable feeling. We never know when these feelings of hunger will hit or why. They are just there and we do our best to make our way through them at the time. Whatever it is you hunger for whether it is rest or food or love, there is only one person that can feed the hunger or desire and that is you.

While I am taking this medication I will continue to battle these inconvenient side effects, but I will not let them get me down, this is temporary. So many other hungers cannot be so easily dismissed and I am fortunate. For you, this may not be the case. I encourage you to feed your need and desire, care for yourself and love yourself today. The holidays are barreling towards us and this is when we all tend to put others first and lose touch with our own hungers. Remember to feed yourself; you cannot be what others need if you are not caring for you.