What’s Next?

This seemed cute at the time,
but I think the colonists had the right idea!

It was bound to happen. Even with the plan in place that you have to be 16 to date, I held out hope that it would be a little longer before that wall would tumble down. On Saturday night I was informed that the wall had toppled, one of Aly's classmates who had been making random text contact with her here and there came to her and asked to "go out" with her. When Aly (who turned 16 in July) was telling me this, I listened calmly and asked "So when are you going to go out?

 "Moooommmm they are not going OUT, they are GOING OUT!" Avery said. "Oh", I replied finally getting the subtle difference. The kid, does not want to come and take my daughter anywhere, he wants to be her one and only date for a long time. This is what was once called, "going steady" back in the day. Just for the record, I hate the phrase back in the day it reminds me of when kids say "in the olden days". It just makes me feel old and I do not like that AT all. Anyway, let me focus here. I was happy for Aly, she had shown an interest in this guy for a while and I was happy that he had finally manned up and made his move. However, this means we are in some new territory and we have to set some ground rules.
When she asked if she could do a little shopping with him last night, I thought why not no biggie. I was going to be out with a friend for a little while, but this was their first official time out together and they were just going a mile from the house, what can it hurt? So, off I went cautioning Aly that he was not allowed in the house while I was gone. When my friend was dropping me off back at home, I saw the new boyfriend's truck running in my driveway and asked my ride to just drop me at the end of the drive. I ran and got my mail and headed into my house. I waited and waited and waited some more and there was no sign of Aly, so I decided I would call her cell phone to let her know that time was up, but she did not answer. Avery mean while was delighting in the fact that I was going to embarrass Aly, which honestly was not my goal, I just did not think having their date in his truck in my driveway was good form. I told Avery, "I am going to wait 5 minutes and then I am going to open the garage door and go out there!" Now Avery was even more hysterical with laughter at my attempt at parenting this situation. She honestly did not think I would do it. Fortunately, Aly came in at that point and I never had to flex those mommy muscles. I did however gently mention that I did not want any "Heavy Petting going on" which sent the girls into a fit of laughter. Apparently, I once again had slipped on my granny pants and used an out dated phrase. At that point I decided to pack up and regroup before having this important discussion again.

 I do not know what will happen next with them "going out", but I do know that I am going to have very educated daughters who understand how important they are. They need to know that they are in charge of their bodies and that they can take their time as they step into a relationship. They already know my motto "Men are just dessert". I tell them all of the time that they have to be who they want to be and then add the man. They cannot let the man be the main course and lose themselves in his life and his goals and his dreams that is a recipe for disaster for everyone. Mark and I try to model to the girls a relationship that empowers both of us, but I think they might still be too young to get it, so I will have some interesting car topics with my young ladies in the weeks to come. I figure if I talk with both of them now, I just may circumvent this situation in a year and a half when Avery turns sixteen. Oh, Lord what's next?

All I Want For Christmas

There is nothing special I want for Christmas. I look through the ads and see thousands of things and nothing seems that important. Of course there are things that would be nice, (I have mentioned to Mark that a new robe would be nice, the one I have now is a burnt orange color and I bought it on clearance several years ago for $7.00) but I do not need anything. I have it in my heart this year to give.

 

The more I think about giving, the more places and people I think of giving to. I feel like my life has been so wonderful that I just want to give back. I am madly in love with my husband. After 18 years of marriage he still makes me laugh out loud. I am totally in love with my children, I have three wonderful girls and now thanks to my oldest getting married almost three years ago, I also have a wonderful son-in-law too. My life is full of friends who I enjoy spending time with and who love and support me even when I am not that easy to support.

Mark tells me Christmas is not about need, he says that this is your chance to ask for something that is your heart's desire and someone may give it to you. My trouble with that is looking back, I remember the times when I had very little. I was a single Mom and I was buying my daughter her Christmas presents at the dollar store. I think of that and I realize that her face on Christmas morning was just as happy as if I had given her the latest and greatest gifts. Perhaps Christmas is more about perspective. Maybe if we look at the giving as our gift to ourselves instead of the receiving it would change the holiday.

1985 Giving Christmas to
Ashleigh brought me joy!

Ashleigh delighted with her
little doll and plastic wagon

 

My Christmas will be wonderful regardless if I get my robe or not. While my list of needs is empty there are others that have a full list of needs. I am going to attempt to give to them. I have been keeping a list for a few months of people that I would like to help and my chance is here. It will not be much, but I know from the days of having nothing that it does not take much to make a difference. This year, all I want for Christmas is time with my family sharing our traditions and to give to as many as I can. Those two things will make this the best Christmas ever.

Looking Forward

This weekend I felt the freedom of peaceful happiness. The stress and sadness of the past two years was blissfully gone. I realized as Mark and I prepared for the progressive dinner that my heart was lighter. I was laughing and joking and just plain giddy. When we arrived at the first house for appetizers, I was eager to jump out of the car and get the evening started. I was happy again and it felt good.

It has been a long time since I have felt like this. At first I did not recognize what it was. It really hit me as we arrived at the second house for salad, I was full of energy and skipping and running to the house. As we left there later to head home to prepare for our guests to come to our house for the main course, I turned to Mark and said "I am so happy, it feels good to be happy for a change". I have no idea what has flipped this switch, but it is in the on position now and I am thrilled. I am looking forward to the holidays like I use to and it feels good. There is no magic elixir to help grief and sadness to disappear. It is just the hard work of waking up and putting one foot in front of the other. Pretending everything is normal until it is normal. You are just hoping and praying that in time life will feel good again.

 This morning I am seated next to the table that holds my Mom's box of ashes. It occurs to me that it is time to start the preparation to release these ashes. I am certain that I will not release them in winter. My Mom hated cold weather and I would not want her haunting me over the choice to fling her into the snow, but maybe this year on Mother's Day I will be ready to sprinkle her in my garden. The yoke of sadness is lifting and I see that I am walking with a lighter step. It is time to let my Mom rest in peace. Of course all this is speculation until it really happens, but if this past weekend is any indication, I would say it is looking a lot like I am moving forward.

Following the Rules

The other day as I visited with my Aunt Nina, I shared with her the details of our Thanksgiving dinner. I told her what I made for dinner and how I made it. I also described my table setting and shared how I was low on candles, so I only put one candle on the table. To this detail my Aunt replied, "What time did you eat?" "We ate at about 3:00 PM" I responded. My Aunt quickly rebuffed me with "You should not have candles on the table before 5:00 PM" I just stared at her. "What do you mean?"I asked her. Aunt Nina just repeated her comment again, "You are not suppose to have candles on your table before 5:00 PM". All I could say at that point was "I like candles on the table, I don't care what time it is!"

 First of all, where did that rule come from? Who has that much time on their hands to sit around making declarations about when people can light candles? Second of all, why would you care about what some obscure person that will never see your table thinks about candles before 5:00 PM? This had to be some etiquette rule from 70 or 80 years ago, because when I Goggled Candles on table before five, nothing came up on the web except a bunch of decorating tips.

 I will be honest; when Auntie first mentioned this tidbit I was very concerned that I had broken a rule. I am a rule follower. If a sign says "Do Not Enter" then I don't. If there is a directive about right and wrong, I am the first to get the details and get on it. But this new twist of the rules got me thinking… who cares? As long as I am not breaking the law or hurting anyone, why does it matter? I am all for making sure that guidelines are followed for the betterment of mankind, but perhaps some of life's rules are just not necessary. Why do I have to have my purse match my coat or shoes or belt? Why can't I wear dressy boots to a wedding?

 Maybe it is my age, but I find myself thinking "BAH" too many of the rules I am faced with anymore. I really am not worried about "getting in trouble" or "causing a commotion" I am just making my way through this life and trying to enjoy myself. As a matter of fact as I write this today, I am looking up every so often to gaze at the candle that is lit across the room. I am not going to recommend that rules be completely abandoned, but I am all for thinking them through a little more.

 Here are just a few of the items that I came across on the world wide web that require rules:
Rules of the internet
Rules of soccer
Rules of dating
Rules of attraction
Rules of exponents
Rule of law
That is just a small sample of life's rules. I suppose in the big picture rules are an important part of our everyday life. I have to wonder though if some of us take the rules too far. Here is the thing, it all seems very important right now, but at some point the only thing that matters is if I have been a good person and if I have followed The Golden Rules. Other than that a random candle on my Thanksgiving table really means nothing. I think I will still be able to sleep nights.

Love Is In the Details

Years ago, I heard a quote from Oprah that has stuck with me. She said "Love is in the details". I see that in my life. The tiniest detail can change everything. This morning it was me preparing a cup of tea for Aly and a cup of cocoa for my sugar monger Avery. It was a simple gesture, but a heartfelt mommy moment, to show the girls I love them without getting to mushy.

You see, they are leaving this morning to head up to a state University for a Thespian Competition with their theatre group from the high school. They are both singing in a group piece and then they are performing a duet together at this competition and they are very excited. Not excited enough however to allow me to come with them. When I asked this year (as I have in the past two) "Do you want Mom and Dad to come?" The immediate response from Aly was "No". They are growing up and starting to enjoy their autonomy. The fact that they can head out and do their own thing and not have the parental ball and chain is very exciting for them, and I welcome it. I will never stop asking if they want me there, because that is a detail. The fact that I am asking lets them know that I love them and want to be there if they need me.
 When Mark and I were out of town a couple of weeks ago (has it been that long?), I had cautioned Mark about calling the girls every day. I explained to him that I wanted the girls to feel independent and know that they can call if they need us, we did not need to check up on them every single day. He thought that I was being a little harsh, but my thought was that in less than two years Aly will be leaving for college and she will need to know how to make it through the day under her own steam. If we are calling everyday and constantly checking up on her we are giving her the message we do not think she can handle taking care of herself. Mark was not fully on board with this thought, and I caught him sneaking a phone call home to check on things. The best part is that when he left on his business trip on Monday morning, he told me he would not be calling me every day because he wanted me to try to make it on my own. Have I mentioned in the past that I married him for his sense of humor?

 Details are tricky. Too many details can make anything overwhelming. It has to be just the right amount of details, at just the right time. There is no perfect measurement for details, you just have to guess. No matter what though when done in the right spirit with your heart wide open details can make the moment special and memorable. I insisted on a kiss good-bye this morning. My hope is that as my girls jumped out of the car when I dropped them at school this morning, they knew that even if I was not tagging along on their trip, a piece of my heart was. It is a little detail, but in this case, I think it was just enough.

Dash Away, Dash Away, Dash Away All!



These are not Santas little helpers!

 I had thought that my week would stretch out in front of me with endless amounts of time. Mark has been gone on his business trip since Monday morning and in my mind the week was going to be easy going. I would accomplish a huge amount of things and relax and enjoy myself too. Well, that has not happened. I hit the ground running on Monday morning and I am still running this morning.

 What happens to time? Where does it go? You start out with this clean slate and end up with a full schedule that runs into the next day, and all you can think is AGGGHHH! My head is spinning with all the things I have left to accomplish this week. On Saturday we are having our 5^th annual progressive dinner with 3 other couples that are good friends of ours. I have been trying all week to do my normal weekly projects while I also add in little touches for the dinner. Somewhere along the way I thought it would be a great idea to buy a new shower curtain. I was pretty much over the theme I had going in my bathroom and wanted to update the look. All I can say at this point is "I could not have picked a worse time to start this project". What I thought would be a quick change of a shower curtain has turned into me wanting to paint my cabinets and by new do dads for my walls and counters. Why oh why could I not wait to do this until after Christmas?

 Now I am running to the various stores looking for just the right blinds and counter décor on top of my already busy schedule. This includes grocery shopping, cleaning, caring for my family, cooking, laundry, Christmas shopping and writing. I find myself fantasizing about how Santa, who gets all around the world in 24 hours. If I could just learn his secret, maybe I would be able to get everything done. I know I am not alone. There is something about having company that makes a woman want to perk up her décor and buy new sheets and towels. I suppose I should confess, I did buy new hand towels, but I talked myself out of buying new bath towels until next pay day. I know you are amazed at my restraint!

 My energy this morning is spinning out of control. I feel like one of those drag racers that spin its wheels just before it takes off. If I had a sleigh today it would have dragster wheels on it so that when I landed I could still keep moving forward. My dogs are not up for pulling my sleigh; they just look at me as I yell "Dash away, dash away, dash away all!" My best shot is to just get moving and what is done will have to be enough. As long as we have a good meal, my friends will be happy. I am also pretty sure they have seen my bathroom enough times to be understanding while I am in transition.

 

I have no time to waste, I must make haste

Get on the road, it is time to go

If I start to slow, someone let me know

I have people to see and places to go.

HO HO HO Merry Christmas!

Who Let The Dogs Out?

I went nonstop all day yesterday. I washed load after load of laundry, swept and mopped the basement, cleaned the cat litter box, got the trash together, paid some bills, took the clean dishes out of the dishwasher and then scrubbed out the dishwasher. I then vacuumed the whole house showered and prepared to go the first meeting in another series of A Beautiful Me workshops as a mentor.

As I prepared to leave for the workshop, I left the girls a note, since we would be passing each other on the road. I asked them to take their trash out of their rooms and get it out to the trash can since it was trash night. I also asked them to put away their laundry, eat the dinner I had left in the refrigerator and feed the dogs and take them out. They got as far as eating their dinner and putting some (not all) of their laundry away. I came home to find that one child was doing homework and the other was…well, honestly…doing nothing. I was ticked, especially since the dogs were staring at me with their legs crossed. The girls had fed them, but they had not taken them out when they got home from school and they did not take them out after they had fed them. This explained the potty stop one of the dogs had made in my room which I discovered as I walked through my room in my stocking feet. That prompted me to yell out "GIRLS!"

My discussion with them (OK, I was yelling) at that point was asking them how they would like it if I did not let them go to the bathroom when they got home from school, or first thing in the morning. Perhaps they would like it if I forgot to make dinner or pick them up from something. It is not pleasant when someone you are counting on lets you down and dogs sense this just as much as humans. Besides that, it is not pleasant when you are minding your own business and you step in dog potty.

I do not ask for much from my girls. They really do live a great life here, so when I leave a detailed list of things to do and I specifically ask them to take the dogs out, that is what I think will happen. I have been Miss Nice Guy too long and last night was the final straw. It will now be my habit to constantly nag them and check on them about the dogs. My plan is to be very annoying about it. I figure I will be annoying long enough to get them to say something like geez Mom we get it. Then I can lay off the nagging for a couple months until they forget again.