Micro Manager

This morning was like a cold glass of water in the face. I stood there directing family traffic as they prepared to head out for the day. Mark was off to work from his company’s local office for the day and Avery was off to school and I was busy making sure that they were managed. “Remember to mail these cards. This one to this person and that one to that person, and remember to bring back my stamps.” I said to Mark. To Avery I said “You are not going to have time to get gas right now, go after school” Then I added “$30.00 is not enough, you need to keep your tank full in winter, put in $40.00”. There was also some conversation about taking medicine and vitamins and finally everyone left and in the quiet I thought to myself… “What just happened here?”

Micro manager reporting for duty! I stood there pondering how I came to the point where I thought that everyone needed my backup in order to get through the day. I know this is lame, but I blame my Mom. Seriously, it is ridiculous I know but, I think that my need to manage and micromanage comes from not having any management as a child. My Mom was focused on my Mom and her life and interests and I was sort of a side car. I was thinking this morning as my ahh haa moment came to the surface that in order for me to cope I taught myself to take control…of everything. Rather than take a chance that something might not get done or go wrong, I head it off at the pass and land on it like a soldier on a grenade.

The saying goes, “the first step is recognizing the problem”. I recognize the problem but now I am wondering where to go from here. Obviously, my family has grown accustom to my micromanaging ways. They expect me to jump in and help keep the ball in the air, how will they ever make it without me sliding in and managing things? I am afraid this problem is going to take a toll on all of us when I begin to work my way out of this management position. Normally I would say let’s just rip the band aide off, but in this case it would hurt all of us at once. I am not sure I can do that anyway.

As I write I can still feel the shock of recognizing my problem…that cup of cold water is still dripping inside my brain. All the little things that I said should happen or someone should do. There are also all the times I have slid in under a problem and caught it before it affected someone in my family, but most of all, the times that I jumped in with my “advice” in order to “help” when I was not asked. Oh boy, the icy realization makes me very uncomfortable.

Being the micro manager has been a very comfortable role for me. I know this will not be an easy change to make; I mean making sure everyone is okay all of the time is a big job. Who will fill my shoes when I step back and balls start to drop, stamps don’t make it back home and medicine and vitamins are not taken? OH Wait. That won’t be my problem right? AGH, I don’t like recognizing my problems at all!! This is going to be A LOT of work!