Reserving Judgment

in·tu·i·tion

  [in-too-ish-uhn, -tyoo-]  

noun

1.       direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process; 

immediate apprehension.

2.      a fact, truth, etc., perceived in this way.

3.      a keen and quick insight.

4.      the quality or ability of having such direct perception or quick in sight.

Recently a friend introduced me to someone they knew and spent time with. When I first met this person I had an awkward feeling about them. I sensed personality traits that this person had that made me uneasy. I trust our mutual friend and decided to give this new person the benefit of the doubt. I have interacted with them at social occasions as well as one on one, always feeling that they were a friendly person with some quirks that made me feel uneasy.

The uneasiness has continued and I find myself being protective of myself when this person is around and trying to reserve judgment. I do not feel comfortable expressing my feelings to my friend, their investment in this friendship is their own and I feel it is unfair of me to insert my feelings into their relationship. So now what do I do?

My friend is a wonderful person who I enjoy spending time with, but somehow this other person seems to be wrapping themselves more and more around my friend the closer our friendship becomes making me think that they (said, other person) are threatened by me and my relationship with our mutual friend. Something this person does not know is that I am not threatened by them. The friendship I have with my friend is solid and we enjoy each other’s company. We know we are friends and it is not a requirement that our friendship be exclusive. I believe neither of us feels the need to tie ourselves together excluding all others in order for us to remain friends.

I have worked to put this uneasiness or intuition aside and remain a steadfast friend, but this is becoming more difficult as I try to navigate how to be in relationship with this other person. I would never hurt this other person and attempt to make her feel badly in order to gain a better ranking with my friend but I think it is important to protect my own well being and remain true to myself. I just need to trust my gut.

Your intuition or “gut” is there for a reason, it is your emotional armor, there to protect you. Some of us are better at recognizing the armor going up than others. I believe that because of the many difficult paths I have walked in my life somehow my intuition has fine tuned itself, and my mind and body go into protection mode when there is a sense there is a possibility of emotional distress. This gut reaction is a blessing and a curse, this feeling that comes over me protects me from becoming close with the danger of interacting with someone that is unsafe, but it also sets me up to be in a tough spot like this.

My friend is not going to release this other person from her own life, but that does not mean I have to welcome them into mine with arms wide open. I am going to trust my intuition and hold this other person at arm’s length. I will continue to reserve judgment we will have to interact and I believe that I must keep our interaction friendly. However if I feel that any boundaries are crossed, I will have to be honest and direct. I trust my intuition and I am grateful for it, but navigating intuition and gut are difficult when your desire is to protect yourself without hurting someone else. I also know that my best advice to myself is “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” Matthew 7:12 in the end I just have to reserve my judgment and listen to my gift of intuition.