Early Riser

I have been up for two hours; it is now 5:30 AM. I have no idea why I am awake or why I awoke at 3:30 AM, quite honestly this has not happened in quite some time so I am racking my brain trying to figure it out. There is a full moon, perhaps that’s it or perhaps it’s the anxiety of being in the final stages of settling my Mom’s estate and all of the last minute issues that are coming up.

The main issue is that one of my siblings has it in her mind that she does not like the plan my Mom had set forth in her last Will and Trust and she wants to opt out and do her own thing. It is a long story but I will shorten it as best I can. First please know that my other sister (we are co-executors) and I have been dealing with estate issues for the last three years, since my Dad died in 2010. Our Dad made some very rash decisions towards the end of his life and these decisions have had long reaching and sometimes stressful ramifications. The first most difficult choice was that my Dad split off from the family trust and left his half to his new wife, the one he married three months before he died of Cancer and seven months after my Mom died. My opinion (not that it matters) was that he was in no shape to make any of those decisions, but he did and well…here we are knee deep in a family splitting mess. I now have a sister that is feeling like she has been struggling with her life and family long enough and rather than keep the last threads of family contact (which she finds painful) she would like to call the shots on how this whole giant mess plays out at the end so that she can move on and cut all her ties.

Honestly, I understand her point. I also realize that to her, she is the only one that has pain and the only one that has suffered through the difficult times we have all endured. Where my sticking points come is this;

First: I am not thrilled with the timing. Right as we are narrowing in on this whole fiasco being completed, another in a long list of roadblocks pops up. I would expect nothing else since honestly this has been the way things have gone from the start. It is just that it is hard not to get resentful of someone making requests in the finals moments especially when they benefit them and no one else.

Second: I get it, she is unhappy with her siblings. We have never been a close knit all forgiving all loving no matter what family. We have all worked through the weird whacked out life with our parents in our own way, some of us with years and years of therapy (Me), others of us on our own, battling the demons of a difficult childhood. Wanting to take the leash off and be free makes everything seem much easier and for a time it probably will be. The sad part and the hard part is the disappointment and sadness will be there until it is dealt with and disconnecting will only prolong the unhappy feelings not make them better.

Third: My sisters and I each have our own suitcase full of crazy. I found myself getting aggravated as I spoke to my sister as she made her special request. My sister kept pointing to HER pain and HER investment of time with our family’s issues. I do concede that her situation lent itself to her being the one to carry a lion’s share of burden at -some very difficult times. Circumstances what they were, that’s how it worked out and my sisters and I have each had our own life burdens to deal with at different times. Pain is not self limiting and it is not exclusive, pain comes along whether we want it or not, so having someone brow beat you about their suffering without considering yours is hard to take.

In the end, we all just want this dragged out mess to come to an amicable end. Money always stinks up the joint, and makes happy endings seem near impossible so this time is no different but my other sister and co-executor and I have come this far and battled through some tough terrain, so we will just have to hang in there. This too shall pass. I am just sad that in the end all this time and energy that was expended to benefit our family did not help heal and I am also sad that the thought of just being grateful for this gift that was left is not the first thought for some.

Now that I think about it, this is definitely why I woke from a sound sleep at 3:00 AM this morning, what else could it be?