Tumbling

My brain feels like it is on tumble dry, when one thought falls to the bottom of my brain, another pops to the top. If I am not thinking about or dealing with something to do with my Aunt's estate, there is an issue that arises with my Mom's estate. On top of that there is my own life that thoughtlessly continues with the expectation that I will participate in it.

Today is the last day of school for my girls and I normally am excited with all kinds of plans for when they get home on that day. Not today, this morning I had to say "Call me when you get home, I will be at Aunt Nina's." I was not happy about that at all. I feel like I have abandoned my family ship and set out on this tumbling weed of family emotion. My cousins (my Aunt's grandsons) are coming to the house to choose items that they would like to keep. After that I will set up the estate sale and prepare to sell the house, all of this when my Aunt died less than a month ago.

I hope that I can keep the tumble cycle off for the weekend. My brain needs a break. It will not be easy though. Perhaps if I just pretend that I have no cares in the world other then these four walls of my home I will be able to take a break from all of the people in my family who have passed and focus on the living. That way when I think and the thoughts begin to tumble it will be about positive things. For just a few hours I will participate in my own family life and leave the deceased to rest