Today feels out of control. I feel like I am going to be going in a million directions and I am not in the mood! I just want to be home and do nothing. Here is the thing; I do not like doing nothing, I like being busy, but I just want some time at home, and it is not going to happen. I have to go to the bank, and go to the grocery store, plus I have volunteered to help one of my favorite teachers at the girl's old elementary school this afternoon and this evening is the last workshop for this session of A Beautiful Me. It is funny that I am feeling this today, since just yesterday I was frustrated because my girls do not know how to not be busy. I am wondering where the happy medium is, and if I can be comfortable there. Somewhere between busy and nothing, that is where I would like to be. I have been going nonstop since school started and I am tired.
Tomorrow is no better, since that is the day that I take Aunt Nina back to her house for a visit. I am not sure how that will go, but it needs to be done. Aunt Nina feels like she has it all together and that she is controlling how her life is going, but it takes a lot of finagling by Mark and I to keep her life running. Honestly, right now I would really like it if someone would take care of me. I think that sometimes I am so good at taking care of everyone else, that everyone (everyone is code for my family) forgets that I might need to be taken care of a little bit too. I am constantly planning and executing any number of events and activities that benefit others and my well is running low. I am feeling extremely needy myself right now.
All of my get up and go is being used up on others and I think I need to put an all about me date on the calendar. Just a day where I can clean a little, maybe watch an old movie (or two) and not worry about anyone else's schedule. Let's see what the calendar says…hhmmmmn…no, not that day, or that one, maybe this one. That's it, Monday is the day. I am going to put "All About Me" day on the calendar. We will see how this actually goes, but it is something to shoot for anyway. I am going to have to make an effort to care for myself with as much diligence as I do my family. I am starting to get a bad attitude, since I am feeling like I am lying at the bottom of the heap.
I am going to have to climb out from under all of this today and get moving. I have a lot to accomplish and a pity party for me has no place on today's agenda. I will have to take a look at my dream board this morning to remind me that there is more to me than meets the eye. I have needs and dreams and interests that matter just like everyone else and sometimes, a girl just wants to be taken care of. I'm just say'in!
No comments:
Post a Comment