The Juggler

I have been going out of my mind. I am suppose to release my children and let them grow up, but standing on the outside looking in I can see things that are completely out of my control and I have to bite my tongue. A mother can only shake her head in silence so long before she starts to shake from frustration, wanting to speak and knowing that her words are unwanted.

Here is the problem. Mom’s have the answers…not all the time, but, many times. We have been through much more than our children give us credited for. We look like obsolete old fossils, but I promise you, at least this Mom has been around the block a couple times and the way of the world has not changed much. We actually know things…good things…important life information things, but if I dare speak out I get the out stretched hand with a loud “MOM STOP”. My favorite (not really) is the smirk that says “Oh yeah, isn’t she cute when she tries to parent?”

I’m very frustrated with how each one of my children takes a turn at dismissing my thoughts and feelings as if they are an intrusion. Seriously, mothering is like juggling, your hands are out trying to balance life, family and varying personalities in the hope that you won’t let anyone down or drop a ball. You think you’re going strong and then one of the balls turns into a curve ball and the juggling act is over and you are smack dab in the middle of a “situation” that you may or may not have mentioned  could become a “situation”. That’s when I say an audible AGH and silently continue with a scream in my head and clinch my teeth until they hurt. This might explain the beginnings of jowls I noticed this morning.

The fact that this stress is affecting my physical being is quite disturbing. I’m really too young for jowls and I am certainly not ready to lose my mind. Although thinking this all the way through, being out of my mind might actually relieve me of the stress. For now I have to step back and watch as things go uncomfortably wrong and hope that somewhere in those children of mine are the tools to make the needed repairs. While all that is happening I’ll be over here with a smirk on my face thinking “Aren’t they cute when they think they know so much more than me?”