Compare if You Dare

During a recent conversation with one of my girls I was side swiped by a comment that basically showed that said daughter felt slighted because she felt another daughter, her sister had been receiving more attention then she had received in a similar situation. The conversation was emotionally charged and an inappropriate comment was made about what she felt was an unfair balance.

So let me explain where I stand about comparison parenting…IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! I have never been able to make everything fair amongst my children and I have no intention of trying. Trying to parent my girls exactly the same is like trying to catch a fly and get it out of your house. There are a lot of swings, but mostly misses.

I spent a lot of time when my children were younger making sure everyone received the same amount of gifts at Christmas and birthdays. I even went so far at times to get the same item in different colors for each of them but the trouble with that is sometimes it is appreciated by one, but most often it falls flat for the others. I have been accused of caring for one more than another and the truth is sometimes that happens. Each of my children needs me in a different way at different times and quite honestly ones troubles can sometimes be higher on the parenting agenda then another and you just do the best you can.

The comparison parenting makes for a slippery slope that I have no desire to step on. I am not interested in sliding down the, is it fair or not mountain. There is no way to take three girls who are each distinctly different from each other and raise them or treat them the same. There is also no way for me to make amends for loving and caring for one differently then another on any given day. Each of these children needs me to love them the way that works best for them. One likes to talk with me and spend time with her, one likes me to hug them and hold them and one of my daughters likes gifts and attention. What none of them will understand until they are parents is that you love them all the same but you have to raise them and respect them as individuals.

I have always told my girls that when I die it will not be fair. I was not trying to be morbid just honest. Someone will be left something better or different then another. One of them may have more time with me then another and one of them may have a harder time adjusting than the others. So I say to my children “Compare if you dare, because it will never be fair!” You would be short changed in the end if you were all treated the same, so embrace your differences and love and respect each other for them. Someday those differences will be the jewels in your own lives and you will be grateful to have them. For now I ask that you respect me and recognize that I am always working to love you and do the very best I can for you and that when you compare you just might be cheating yourself.