Healing

Now that all of the party planning and partying for my middle daughter’s graduation is over I am getting the question “Have you recovered yet?” a lot. The answer is no. My recovery is from more than just a graduation party. Since May of 2009 when my Mom passed away it has been nonstop family drama. I have high hopes of this drama coming to an end, but for now recovery seem impossible. The only choice I really have is to let go of my vision of what life should be and live within what it really is.

It is impossible to imagine how this is done, and truthfully many people live lives hundreds of times worse than I could even imagine so my little bit of stress and discomfort is best let go of. I am not helping myself heal when I am always expecting something like a miracle to sweep away what my life really is right now.

The facts are this;

It is time to just let it all go and live within a new reality. Healing will happen in its own time not on my time clock. If I can just spend some quiet time each day remembering joy and peace eventually the hard shell I have formed to protect myself will slowly soften. In this moment this protective coating is my safest place, this protective coating is also causing me to deflect people in fear of more hurt. I trust no one.

Healing will come slowly but the opportunity to rest now that the party is over will help. Time alone will also help. This idea of being alone has turned into a road trip for me today. I am climbing in my car and driving…not too far and not for long, but a little time alone will help me rejuvenate. Today will be whatever it needs to be and I am going to ride the wave of healing in good time.