Memories

This morning I have been spending a lot of time remembering. Over Thanksgiving my husband Mark had said that he would never forget the "worst" Thanksgiving ever. Mark was referring to the Thanksgiving 2009 where we drove straight through the night to New Orleans to spend Thanksgiving with my Dad and his new girlfriend. The trip had been two fold, first to spend time with my Dad who was riddled with Cancer and whose life was in jeopardy and to also go to the meeting where he announced his crazy plans for my parents estate (see post; Day 95 The Perfect Mom Project), which included leaving his ½ to his new girlfriend who became his wife two weeks later and to let myself and my two sisters that live up here in Michigan know that A. "He deserved to be happy" (his exact words) and B. We were entitled to nothing from him, essentially because we would not allow him to dissolve my Mother's trust.

 That was not a great time, but while the memory of that time is unpleasant, I learned that day that I was tougher then I thought and that the things I had thought about my Dad were true. I had never believed what he was constantly showing me he was. I would make excuse after excuse for him in my head. I always second guessed what my gut was telling me about him. That fateful day, the day after Thanksgiving 2009 was literally Black Friday for my family. I learned that day to believe my gut and to trust my instincts.

 This saga continues to twist and turn even though my Dad has been gone over a year. I am constantly amazed at all of the deceit and greed that is still coming to the surface. It is a reminder once again that no one "deserves" to be happy, you are either happy, or you're not, period, end of story. Everyone "deserves" a shot at happiness, but most times the happiness comes in the form of something simple and unexpected. If you are busy grabbing what you deserve, your happiness may just slip by.

 I have the blessing of a very special memory. I was given my Grandmother's Mink coat after my mom died 2 years ago and I had been keeping the coat hanging in a closet. I would take it out look at it and pet it and return it to the closet. I had no interest in wearing it and being attacked by a member of PETA, so this memory of my Grandma was hidden away.

 I recently met a woman through a friend of mine that makes things for people out of their old clothing and fur coats. I was excited that our paths had crossed because I had hoped that there might be a way to get Grandma's coat out of the closet and share the memory of her with the world. I am delighted that she was able to create for me a beautiful Santa that I will be able to leave to my children to share with their families one day. For me to have this as a beautiful reminder of my love for my Grandma is beyond anything I could have ever deserved. This Santa is a beautiful reminder of my family and it makes me happy.

 Something so beautiful and simple has helped heal a wound and created a positive reflection of love and happiness for my family. This piece of art will be something my children will talk about and share stories about with each other and their families. In time the memory of the "worst" Thanksgiving 2009, will fade but probably never die, because it is a great reminder to our family that happiness is not deserved and it cannot be given to you, you have to create it for yourself. As I stop by and stroke Santa's fur I am reminded of the love I had for my Grandma and the love she had for me. That is a great memory and brings me happiness beyond compare.