Surprise!!

Last Saturday, I had a surprise birthday party for my husband. He was surprised, which is always a plus when you are working hard to make it a surprise. The whole process of getting from the idea of the party to the surprise made me wish I had come up with another plan. Let’s just say that I could never be a spy or an undercover anything. The stress of being found out about killed me.

For the last 6 weeks I have been scheming and planning. The idea was so exciting; I jumped in without thinking it all the way through. For example, my husband works from home…how do you prepare for a party when you party pigeon is right there all the time? I had to forgo actual paper invitations and text and mention the invite to people because I was never out of sight enough to be that sneaky. I also had no way of explaining why our usually ample food budget was just not stretching as far as it normally would. I just pretended like all was well and I had no idea what the problem was.

There was also the fact that I had to come up with various excuses why a particular day which was wide open on the calendar was suddenly not so wide open. I had already started planning for one open day when my husband informed me he was working that day…UGH.  I then had to start from scratch with my idea. Oh, and how about the day that we had our argument and I wanted to sock him in the nose? I had a tough time making my way through the plans until we worked it all out and made up. That required me reminding myself that I indeed love him even if he is a total man sometimes!

I should tell you if you are thinking of planning a surprise, really think it through. It was a big success and my husband was very appreciative, but it took a huge toll on my nerves. If sneaking around is your thing, then you will have it made, no problem, but if you are not so great at the whole undercover thing, maybe you will want to enlist the aid of a cohort who can carry the weight of some of the anxiety and stress. Regardless, most people like surprises and it is pretty cool to make someone you love feel special so in the end it is worth all the bumps and bruises when everyone yells “SURPRISE!!”     

Losing your Soul

Just a quick thought today inspired by a song heard this morning by a Christian singer, TobyMac. The Chorus is this “I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul.” It made me stop and think how hard we all work to be more and have more or even just look like we do and to what end. If people around you look at you and think you have everything and have it all together and you are feeling unhappy and lost, you are losing your soul.

I have started to realize that the having and the being somebody part are not as important as the loving and caring part. Cherishing the people in our lives, not the things, Making sure we stay true to who we are and finding a life path that makes us happy without giving away our core beliefs to make someone else happy.

I stopped writing for a while because I felt like no one cared what I had to say. Recently I realized that I had been writing for me and I missed it. If no one ever reads another thing I write it does not matter as long as the writing continues to be true to who I am and honors the life I have. Please take some time today to be true to you. Hang on to your soul people!!

Here is the link to his YOUTUBE video:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=coHKdhAZ9hU

Headphones

Headphones have become the great escape. This morning as I walked my dogs Roxanne and Louis we walked past this young man headed to the middle school bus stop. This young guy had on headphones and never even glanced in my direction. The morning sounds were all around us, chirping birds, leaves rustling and even a nice lady walking by with her puppies saying “Hello” and he heard none of it. He was in the zone and life was his oyster.

Full disclosure, when I run I wear headphones, but I only have one bud in my ear playing music to keep my feet going. The other ear is available to hear cars coming, birds chirping and for paranoia’s sake the random person chasing me (which thankfully has not happened). I still hear the birds and barking dogs, people saying hello and any other things I need to hear. The thing is everywhere you go now you see people in headphones. Even my husband who works from home will roam the house while he is “In a meeting” and until I look at him and realize he is “unavailable” I am yammering on in a conversation. Nice!

I am still in debate with myself as to whether this is a good thing or not. I’m wondering if this disconnection will make all of us less personable and unable to communicate. I’m sure that was a big debate when television burst on the scene many years ago. Change is always hard no matter what it is. I suppose instead of assuming the young man this morning was listening to music, maybe I should think about the chance he was actually listening to a book he downloaded. Maybe as I grow older I am just becoming a big fuddy duddy!

Reality is life is evolving so fast that keeping up is tough. Music alone has gone from records to eight track tapes to cassettes on to CD’s and now we download music to our phone. At this rate we may just get a chip implanted in our heads one day so we can answer calls and hear music without carrying this phone and portable photo album everywhere. Oh geez, did I just invent something? I sure hope not!

I guess for now I will worry about me and what I am doing and let the rest of the world ignore me as they listen to music, have meetings and ignore nature. Now if you will excuse me I need to put in my headphones so I can watch a show on Netflix.

Politics

This morning I got up early and went to work out at a gym Mark and I belong to. It’s a pretty easy going place, nice people and a trainer we like. There are all kinds of topics that come up when I am there and many times I just listen and keep quiet. The melting pot isn’t always filled with like minded people and I find it best to feel and believe what I do and not necessarily share it out loud. I know, it’s hard to believe that this chick that writes her life out loud doesn’t share everything in public isn’t it?

So anyway, the scary topic of politics came up and I heard our trainer and one of his clients commenting on a particular candidate that gets on my last nerve. They were insisting this candidate had a real shot at the job that they are shooting for and talking about polling numbers etc. I kind of jumped out of my skin a little and basically dumped my don’t ask, don’t tell policy about politics and raved like a nut job about how ridiculous the whole thing was. This sudden rant delighted the group at the gym and they laughed hysterically at my lunacy.

The thing about politics is that it is personal. I am not one to stand for one party or another. I look at the person and the history as well as the kind of life they lead. I am not big on flash and smoke and mirrors, I want value for my vote. I don’t talk about how I vote because I don’t want to go toe to toe about how I feel and why with anyone, because like I said before, it is personal. So now that I have thrown myself out there, I have to find a graceful way to reel it in. I figure I’m just going to laugh at their gentle ribbing and keep very quiet from here on out. I promise I won’t even say “I told you so!!!!” when this candidate is finally taken out of play. It’s best to get back to keeping my opinions to myself in the real world. The bonus is, it gives me much more to share here!

Making People

I find it interesting that each human is so completely different from the other. Isn’t it amazing? When we set out with the idea of having children, we have in our minds a dream of what our children will be like. We work hard to pour into our children all the things we are hoping they will be. Sometimes its personal habits and other times it is character traits we hope they will have. We encourage things like clean rooms and getting homework done, kindness and caring. We do all this in the hopes that when they launch into the world they are the shiniest reflection of who we are, and then they are not.

The truth is you become who you are meant to be. I look back on my own life and always wonder how all the twists and turns I had did not make me a more angry and unhealthy person. Somehow each time I turned in a direction that was not the best choice, God showed up and walked me back to the place I needed to be. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had not felt God’s tap on my shoulder and turned towards him. I also marvel at my children who are each different from the other. They have similar traits but overall, their talents are their own. Their personalities show the quirks we share as a family but each child has fine tuned those quirks to suit the person they are.

When I see stories about people that have made choices that have hurt others I have a hard time making sense of it. How did these people get to the point in their lives where they decided to be the less shiny side of themselves? What is the turning point when evil is the choice that makes the most sense?  How does a parent bare the pain of those choices that their child has made and not ponder what they could have done differently? You can only hope that each person recognizes the value in another, but so often we see people and know that only God’s hand will work on them, that on their way through life no one poured into them.

We are all different, that was God’s design. When we have these gifts of children and we dream of what they will be and who they will be, we forget that what we want does not matter. We are not making people, we are raising them. Our job is to hold them and love them. We are to be a model to them and then let them go. Those clean rooms and caring and thoughtful lessons are just the beginning. Once we let go we have to make room for the work God has in mind. At times it will be hard to understand what His plan is, but in the end we hope that if nothing else we all are at the very least, less than shiny, worn and thread bare people that are the reflection of God’s love.

Happy Anniversary

My husband Mark and I celebrated 23 years of marriage on Saturday. To make the day special we started it off with a fight. Truthfully it was I who was mad so it was my fight and it started the night before. You see, I tried explaining to my husband that I did not like something he had said when we were talking with one of our friends. As hard as we try, we still have not learned how to have some of these tough conversations. I ended up going to bed very early because I was so mad and I worried I might say or do something that would make the next day our last anniversary.

Honestly, I do not know how you can love someone so much and still want to punch them in the nose. Perhaps it’s the love or passion that drives you to those over powering feelings. I personally struggle with how to communicate what I’m feeling in a way that truly expresses my feelings and also gets the actual emotion out without completely losing it. Let’s just say that I start talking about what is bothering me and my husband’s face shifts to a here we go again zone and I immediately become protective and defensive. Warning lights are going off on both sides of the table and I start getting agitated and so does he, it’s not pretty.

In the beginning of our relationship I thought it was my problem. I would blame my temper or think I was wrong. However as time has gone on I have realized that my man has some responsibility in how these talks go and I have been less willing to back down and take full responsibility for whatever the issue it is. After all, it takes two to tango, right? I just want to be heard and understood. I need to know that what I feel is important. It honestly doesn’t matter to me if I am right (Mark, tends to disagree with me on this point), I just want to have us both walk away feeling like we have expressed what we feel and we are resolved. That rarely happens.

The crazy part is, no matter what happens I always love him more than anything else. Even on our worst day, he is my best friend and love of my life. Frankly, I am better for knowing him and loving him. If it means we have a storm here and there, I’m willing to go through it as long as on the other side he is still standing by me. Twenty three years ago we took a vow for better or worse and we have stayed true to that promise and I am certain we will continue to for many years to come.

Running Out of Summer

This is the time of year when we start losing interest in summer and start longing for fall. The hot humid days wear on us and the cool evenings call to us as we snuggle under a blanket. We start feeling the excitement for fall like we once felt when summer was on its way.

I remember the excitement I felt just a few short months ago when I pulled out my stack of shorts and gave them priority wearing status. They were bright and cheery and they beamed the sunny light of the summer to come. It felt like summer was stretching out before me, I had plenty of time to accomplish so many things, yet much of my list went undone. Sometimes I skipped the list so we could go fun places and do fun things and other times I had no interest in the list or rather “the noose”.  Now I’m faced with some tasks that I just think about and panic because I am running out of summer or better yet ran out. These tasks will be piled onto the fall list.

Fall is just toying with us now. Cool evenings, warm days and lots of yummy fall foods. I am longing for apple everything and Mums and straw bales. Along with a warm bonfire that brings with it good conversations with friends and warmed cider. We are nearly there. The calendar says it is fall, but Mother Nature runs the show and she is taking her sweet time sending fall all the way in. Before long we will be looking back at summer with a little tear in our eye.

I love each season. Each has its own blessings and curses, but the transitions from one to the other always leave me feeling a little wonky because I miss the old season and long for the new one.  There is no doubt that God created this seasonal metaphor for us to ponder. Learning to move in and out of each season of the year helps me realize that I can do the same in each season of my life. I also know that as this summer rolls away it is not gone for good. In no time at all I will move my shorts back on top in my drawer and I will be rotating things on my to-do list once more. For now I’m just going to slide the shorts to the bottom of my drawer and start dusting off my cozy sweaters, as my excitement for fall begins and summer runs out.