Sit and Reach

The other day my girls and I were talking and somehow the subject of touching your toes came up. Aly shared that when you are sitting with your legs out stretched; you should be able to touch your toes (at least according to a past P.E. teacher). You are even more flexible if your fingers can reach past your toes. Since Aly is not able to perform this type of exercise right now, Avery and I were the guinea pigs.

I was able to touch my toes and even reach past them about 5 inches, but my youngest daughter Avery could not even reach her toes. That shocked me; my young active 14 year old could not even reach her toes yet. We made jokes about how her legs were growing so fast her arms could not keep up, but this got me thinking about flexibility.

In life being flexible physically and emotionally is very important. Anything you do requires some degree of flexibility. Whether you are bending to pick something up or sit down somewhere or you are bending to someone else's ideas or ideals, flexibility is a key factor. This ability to be flexible is not something everyone is capable of as I witnessed with Avery when we did our sit and reach test here at home. I also realized that tragedies happen because of the inability of some people to be flexible and see that there are two sides to every story, and sometimes one side might hold more truth then another. Flexibility hands you the opportunity to explore the other side in a respectful and thoughtful way.

I am delighted that I can touch my toes and even reach past them, however, I wonder how emotionally flexible I am? I think of myself as someone who is thoughtful and interested in a balanced understanding of others, but when it gets right down to the wire, there are some things that snap the band and I lose all flexibility. I imagine that is how it is for most of us. We are happy to bend and stretch to make things work for everyone, but there is a point where you have no more stretch left and you snap. It kind of reminds me of the constant reminders I give my kids about things around the house, suddenly one day I reach my limit with the reminders and the flexibility snaps and I speak my mind, that's when I hear "Jeez Mom you don't have to yell!"

As I step out into the world today, I am going to practice some emotional sit and reach exercises. Something along the lines of waiting patiently and thoughtful understanding will be on the agenda. Nothing to strenuous, since I am not sure if my emotional flexibility is at par with my physical flexibility yet. Maybe later today the girls and I can practice our emotional flexibility skills together too. That should be interesting

 

One Life’s Affect

As I sat watching Avery last night in her first school play, I could not help looking about wondering what seats were empty because of the death of one of her fellow cast members. A young beautiful 16 year old girl had been on life support for a week before she passed. The car she was riding in the week before was hit by a car that was trying to beat a red light. There was only the beautiful girl and a young teenage boy in the car. The boy sustained no injuries and the other car, full of teenagers (that hit them), were all fine as well. Beautiful Girl was hit like a target by their car.

 I could not help but wonder how many lives had been affected. The director had spoken with the family and it was decided that Beautiful Girl would want the show to go on. I knew that Beautiful Girl's best friend was in the play and I watched her as she performed in the show as well. The friend held it together until the curtain call and then I watched as the cast dissolved one by one. That was just one group of people that Beautiful Girl had touched and I am sure there are many, many more.

 Beautiful Girl was in our home just a few weeks ago at the beginning of December. She was working with Aly on a dance for a song they were doing with a group of theatre kids at their Thespian Festival. The group ended up winning an Excellent award. It was a high point for all of the kids. More lives that were touched by Beautiful Girl.

 I am an outsider I do not claim to know her or her family or do I have any concept of what they might be going through right now. However, I do know that as an outsider I can see a small swatch of the lives she has touched and I am astounded one young person can affect so many lives. It never crosses our minds when we step out into the world each day that we are molding and forming other lives around us. We just head out plunging in hoping to get through the day. What if today when we head out the door we look at each face a little closer and smile a little more? What if we concentrate for just one day on how we affect the lives of other's and less on the tasks we must accomplish? I believe that our vision of ourselves would change. Instead of the lonely and selfish world we are so use to being a part of we would see our ripple. The ripple we create in our world's pond each time we step out into the day. I feel like I want to recognize the ripple now instead of having someone wonder over the empty seats when I am gone. I want to relearn how to step into my life and participate as Beautiful Girl did sharing and loving and living.

 My baby girl made her ripple last night as she stepped out on her own and preformed in the school play. She started her ripple and I can see it will not be her last. She had laughs and hugs and joy surrounding her at the end of the night and I knew that she too will now carry forward Beautiful Girl's gift into the world. This is the circle of life, a beautiful life indeed.

Tenuous Life

You never know at the dawn of day how the day will end,

you follow the path and hope for the best, sometimes past the paths bend

Each step you take moves you into and out of the lives of many,

not knowing if this path will cross this way again

Hold your head high, look right and left and soak in life,

which runs on a tenuous thread

Be the heart, be the soul, be what you want others to be and LIVE and when the paths end rises up

jump from the cliff and fly like the angel you are.

 

In memory of 16 year old Ally Zimmerman who passed into God's arms yesterday…

The Crud Day 2

After some consideration, I decided to take Mark's advice yesterday and go to the doctor, and I am glad I did. Basically, I am infected from the neck up. My ears, sinuses and throat are all full of infection. When the doctor proclaimed his diagnoses yesterday, I'll I could say was "When did that happen?" I had little signs last week that my sinuses were uncomfortable, but we were on our end of the year whirlwind and I was not about to miss having our company over, celebrating New Year's with my friends and going to our friends wedding on New Year's day. Honestly, I felt like it was nothing my Neti pot (see below) couldn't cure.

 So here I sit barking like a seal when I cough, afraid to swallow because it feels like a sander went sledding in my throat and wondering if what feels like a towel jammed up my nose will ever dislodge. When Aly was getting ready for her surgery, she had said that she couldn't wait for all the down time of lying on the couch and vegging and I had warned her she had better watch what she hopes for, because the grass always looks greener on the other side. Well, here I am on that side and quite honestly there is no place else I would rather be. Just the thought of moving makes me tired. Yesterday, I had to pick Aly up from school and I also picked up Avery so she could get a snack before play practice. I took her to get something and dropped her back off at school and by the time I got home with Aly I was worn out. That is actually when I decided that going to the doctor was a very good idea.

 I plan to stay in my jammies today. Aly has arranged a ride home with a friend and Mark will pick up Avery after practice, so no one needs to worry about me being out spreading the Crud in my community. I am quite happy here with the dogs at my feet and the remote in my hand and at least for today, there is nowhere else I would rather be.

The Crud

Out of the blue, I am sick. One minute I am having lunch with my husband and the next my chest starts to feel like it is filling with cement. This crud has rendered me useless. I cannot think clearly or even write coherently, thank goodness for spell check.

I am doing my best to stay away from my kids, since Avery is in a play this weekend and Aly and Avery are planning on trying out for the school musical next week. I really do not want to be the reason either of them is under the weather. Aly just had her final set of stitches from her surgery taken out yesterday and the doctor shared that the next two weeks are critical in her healing. I do not want her catching my crud and having more issues!

I am tired and unable to think anymore, so I think I will call it a day on my blog writing. Perhaps tomorrow will go better. Cross your fingers!!

Fear Factor

I am not a fearful person. I do not have a lot of things that worry me or frighten me, over all when it comes to fear I am pretty even keel. With that being said, I should be honest and say that I often wonder why I am comfortable here in my little perch. Why have I never decided to go to college or now that my girls are older, go back to work. It sometimes crosses my mind that I might be afraid.

Fear can keep you from being who you are truly meant to be. Fear can keep you from stepping into a job or life choice that could bring you happiness. Fear can even make you think that you are not good enough for the choices you have to make. This is why I believe that fear is a dark place. Fear is not a place that you can go for comfort. Fear is what I believe to be the work of demons. These demons could be left over from childhood or they could have been created through a relationship or difficult time, but they are spurred by self doubt and sadness. The more self doubt and sadness, the more fear.

The hard part is pin pointing what caused the fear. Sometimes it is easy to say exactly where it (fear) came from and why, while other times the fear is irrational and it hides beneath your consciousness. Knowing what is causing the fear helps you move forward by confronting that fear head on. Right now I am convinced that my desire to be home and be a Mom is based solely on my desire to support my husband and children and keep our lives less stressful. I have spent a lot of time thinking about fear and the role it might play in my decision to be home and I am comfortable that( at least for now), there are no demons at work in my choice.

A good friend reminded me yesterday that I am the Project Manager for M & R (Mark and Ragen) Corporation. I tend to forget that regardless of how unimportant what I do here at home seems to others; to my family it is extremely valuable. As I ponder my happiness in my perch, it comes to mind that perhaps I am so comfortable here solely because of my happiness. No ulterior motives or demons, just plain joy in a life of everyday things with everyday people. For now this is a very fearless and comfortable position to be in.

Same Question Different Day

"So Ragen, how are you, what have you been up to?" This is the question that was asked of me at a wedding over the weekend. Once again, this question (what I am up to) is causing quite a stir in my heart. I was able to reply with a vague response of "Not much", but it left me feeling unimportant and disappointed in myself. It feels a little like I might not have a life. The truth is I do have a life, but it is just not the kind (of life) you would want to talk about in glowing terms to people you do not see very often.

My week always involves driving and picking up my children from school, practices and other after school activities. There is also my once a week visit to see my Aunt, and also any shopping or banking that she might need done. I have my grocery shopping and meal preparation, laundry and house cleaning as well as caring for my dog Roxanne and my Grand dog, Louis. There is always my writing that I do daily (except for Sunday) that helps keep me centered, but as for being up to something, I've got nothing.

Why do I feel so busy, like there is no way to squeeze another thing into my life, when I can describe what I do in a week with only one breath? Why do I feel like I am not fulfilling myself, yet nothing sounds even the slightest bit fulfilling? I have this sense that there is more out there for me, but I just do not know what it is. I am eager to fill this deep emptiness I am feeling, but I am not sure where to begin. Realistically, I really cannot work, with my Aunt and my girls, my time is split between doing the bidding of others and I am not sure how I would wrap a job into that. There would begin a bidding war that would ultimately take its toll on me.

With this being the beginning of a new year, I think it is a good time to whip out the Dream Board and start thinking about the "someday I'm going to" things again. There is this opening in my heart that wants to be filled and maybe by looking at my dreams, I can get a closer look at myself and what might fill me up to the point of feeling like a viable member of society. Mainly, I do not want the questions about "What I am up to" or "What are you doing now?" to be cause for me to beat myself up. Maybe just the fact that I am willing to look at myself and draw a path to fulfillment is a sign that there is someone in here that has a little bit of glowing left to do. It is also possible that there is much more life left in this lady that is just waiting to get out. Hmmm, now I just need to find out what the heck it is that I should be doing. Perhaps tomorrow we can discuss the fear factor…