Monday, March 21, 2016

Being Right Is Not As Great As You Think

Recently I have been on a quest to find the reason my youngest is tired all of the time. When I say youngest you may be envisioning a toddler toddling about but my youngest will actually be 20 in just a few short weeks. The truth is this tiredness and basically not feeling well has gone on for a long time. I would say most of her life.

Now before you start judging me as an inept parent let me just say that I have spent many hours visiting doctors and having her tested for a myriad of things. I have had several moments when I thought I was pretty darn close to the answer only to find I wasn’t. I had many times suggested to my daughter to take allergy medicine but the truth is parents are totally ignorant until the time comes that you are not. Those times usually involve an event that makes you undeniably right and your child has no other option but to tell you “You were right” with an ashamed face.

Just a couple of weeks ago my (“you were right”) moment arrived but honestly it didn’t matter because I was so happy to have some answers. I had decided to take my daughter to an allergist in hopes of crossing this possibility off the list. When we arrived and they started poking my girl with different allergens and testing her breathing my daughter was a little freaked out, but as her body started to react to the different allergens, getting red and itchy we knew we may have finally found the answers we had been hoping for.

It was a long arduous process but after almost 3 hours we learned that she was allergic too:

Dogs                                                                                                                                              
Horses
Cockroaches  (please note that we do not have cockroaches at our house)
Dust mites
Grass
Trees
All molds indoor and outdoor

So basically everything,  and then… just for fun they threw in the fact that she had asthma and was only breathing at 43%. No wonder she didn’t feel good! As a parent how do you come back from that bombshell? Seriously 20 years in and we are just now finding this out?

I myself had just been diagnosed as allergic to dogs and since we have two it’s a little tough to avoid them. Our dogs are suppose to be non allergic dogs which I shared with our doctor when he told me the news a few months ago and his comment was, “there is no such thing”.

So here we are pretty much bathing in allergens at our house. There is an old saying that knowledge is power, so now that we know what we are up against we are coming out with allergy meds a blazing and an inhaler so that breathing can continue. Honestly, it is so much better than anything else that might be found and just knowing what she is up against helps us help her.


Truly in the end I’m not happy I was right, I’m just happy we have an answer and hopefully we can turn things around for our youngest girl. So parents, the lesson here is, being right is not as great as you think. It is, knowing your child knows your right that really matters!

Friday, March 18, 2016

My New Beginning

It wasn’t long ago that my home was bustling with children going in all different directions. These days with one grown daughter working in Connecticut another living away at college and one recent graduate living home but working full time and enjoying a full load of activities after work, the bustling is not as often. I remember when my nest was officially empty and people would give me a sad frowny face and ask “How are you doing?” I never knew quite how to respond.

You see, I am doing great. I have not longed for more children or mourned my children moving on with their own lives, I have picked up my own life and I’ve been making a go at being me. I am not great at being me, but I keep trying. At one time I was immersed in my children’s lives, working at their schools and cheering them on in their activities. Now I have stepped back removed the safety restraints and they are flying solo. I still give advice but its different now, now the weight of what they decide to do is theirs to bear. My stake in the game is gone.

It’s a strange feeling when you swing from the bar and there is no net. I owed my children the chance to see what that is like. The freedom to decide and choose your own destiny is a freedom no one should be denied. For our American children it is often taken for granted. I have often been disgruntled about being the ambulance. You know the one that rushes in and saves the day after warning that something is a bad idea or the times you have given a thought or a piece of advice to the stiff stop sign arm with a loud “MOM” at the end. Now I say what I think and hug if I can and hope and pray that God has their back while I have mine turned.

Truth be told I say I’m great but deep down I miss the being needed as much as I was and I miss the constant reminders that mothering while tough is rewarding on many good days. Days, when you get it right and your child even tells you so or the days when you watch them succeed where they thought for sure they would fail. These days the reward is theirs and I can no longer hang on and claim some responsibility.


I am proud of the life I have and even more proud of the lives my children are building for themselves. I guess it is time for me to take a page from the books my girls have written and work on me. I have been dealing with a loud STOP sign arm of my own and honestly I think I am way more difficult than my children ever were. It is really and truly time for me. This all starts with a commitment to write more. Pouring my heart into words is what I love to do and its really time to get back at it. So for all of you I am asking… please stop the frowny faces I am fine. Being an empty nester is not my end, it is my new beginning.