Friday, December 20, 2013

You Cannot Make Some People Happy

Outside this morning it is a sloppy slippery mess, today is the final day of school before our holiday break and school was cancelled so my youngest is sleeping in and I have been awake since we received the call. I decided to entertain myself and poke around on Facebook, but instead of being entertained I am now annoyed. You just cannot make some people happy.

I am friends with a local information page for our town and this morning they posted about our schools being closed and some parents were posting angry comments because their children will now miss their class holiday party…seriously? That’s what you’re going to twist your panties in a knot over, a class party? How about the fact that now your child is safe and sound at home? Perhaps my perspective is different since my daughter would be driving herself to school in this mess.

Next I went to a web page for a news station just to see what the weather looks like for  the rest of today and ended up reading a story about a man looking for his birth parents by using Facebook. Once again I was annoyed when people were tossing their opinions about this man’s desire to find his birth parents around making rude and inappropriate comments. What the heck is wrong with people? Seriously!

Perhaps it would be best if I just stop reading the comments people make. I personally am glad that my daughter is home safe and sound in her bed. I will need to find something else to entertain me, because I do not need to be annoyed first thing in the morning by nonsense. Actually, I prefer not to be annoyed any time of the day. I hope the man that is looking for his birth parents finds out what he needs to know and the people that are disappointed about their parties have a better rest of the day, as for me, I will have to avoid reading anymore comments, because you just cannot make some people happy.










Thursday, December 19, 2013

Micro Manager

This morning was like a cold glass of water in the face. I stood there directing family traffic as they prepared to head out for the day. Mark was off to work from his company’s local office for the day and Avery was off to school and I was busy making sure that they were managed. “Remember to mail these cards. This one to this person and that one to that person, and remember to bring back my stamps.” I said to Mark. To Avery I said “You are not going to have time to get gas right now, go after school” Then I added “$30.00 is not enough, you need to keep your tank full in winter, put in $40.00”. There was also some conversation about taking medicine and vitamins and finally everyone left and in the quiet I thought to myself… “What just happened here?”

Micro manager reporting for duty! I stood there pondering how I came to the point where I thought that everyone needed my backup in order to get through the day. I know this is lame, but I blame my Mom. Seriously, it is ridiculous I know but, I think that my need to manage and micromanage comes from not having any management as a child. My Mom was focused on my Mom and her life and interests and I was sort of a side car. I was thinking this morning as my ahh haa moment came to the surface that in order for me to cope I taught myself to take control…of everything. Rather than take a chance that something might not get done or go wrong, I head it off at the pass and land on it like a soldier on a grenade.

The saying goes, “the first step is recognizing the problem”. I recognize the problem but now I am wondering where to go from here. Obviously, my family has grown accustom to my micromanaging ways. They expect me to jump in and help keep the ball in the air, how will they ever make it without me sliding in and managing things? I am afraid this problem is going to take a toll on all of us when I begin to work my way out of this management position. Normally I would say let’s just rip the band aide off, but in this case it would hurt all of us at once. I am not sure I can do that anyway.

As I write I can still feel the shock of recognizing my problem…that cup of cold water is still dripping inside my brain. All the little things that I said should happen or someone should do. There are also all the times I have slid in under a problem and caught it before it affected someone in my family, but most of all, the times that I jumped in with my “advice” in order to “help” when I was not asked. Oh boy, the icy realization makes me very uncomfortable.


Being the micro manager has been a very comfortable role for me. I know this will not be an easy change to make; I mean making sure everyone is okay all of the time is a big job. Who will fill my shoes when I step back and balls start to drop, stamps don’t make it back home and medicine and vitamins are not taken? OH Wait. That won’t be my problem right? AGH, I don’t like recognizing my problems at all!! This is going to be A LOT of work!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Angels

There are angels everywhere. You see them and talk to them and never even realize it, the random person that you do not know that you have a conversation with, where you walk away smiling or the kind person that does something unexpected when you need it the most. These people are our daily angels.

This time of year when everyone is hurrying to and fro and time is of the essence the random flutter of an angel can change your whole day.  Some days it seems that the angels are out in force. They are everywhere smiling and letting you through a crowded grocery store aisle or noticing your small amount of items in a long line and letting you go ahead. Sometimes the angels will skip a close parking spot leaving it for you.

I challenge us all to try to be someone’s angel today. It is a higher calling but if you think back you will, I am sure, remember a time when an angel stepped in and lightened a few moments in your day. Today that person can be you.

Have a great day Angels!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

So THIS is Christmas

I want to change Christmas at my house. I want to enjoy the moments and the season and just not shop anymore. The real purpose and meaning has disappeared and I want to get it back. This year’s Christmas holiday is in full swing and trying to change things now would be like grabbing the tail of a jet and trying to keep it from flying. It just would not work.

I want the holiday to be reflective and joyful. I would love to adopt a family and buy gifts for them and share what we have. We are truly fortunate and somehow I think our family has lost touch with what real life is like for other families. Years ago when I was a single mom and my oldest daughter was not quite two years old I had nothing. My full time job paid me enough to pay my rent and daycare with some money left over for food. I was just making it; Christmas was an “extra” expense. I remember shopping for my daughter at the dollar store and feeling so sad because I could not do more for her. The funny part is that on Christmas morning she was delighted at every inexpensive item. She did not know where the gifts came from and she did not care.

It is so easy to get caught up in the push to buy Christmas for the ones we love. The advertising and the sales encourage us to focus on the things and not on the reason for the season, which was the birth of Christ. I feel ashamed that I too have become that person that is hunting and gathering just the right something’s for everyone and have spent little time reflecting on the true meaning of this special holiday. Early on in this season when my husband began to ask me what I wanted for Christmas I would say “I don’t need anything” and he would reply, “it’s not about need, what do you want?”. I could think of nothing until I stepped into the stores and read the ads and suddenly everything looked pretty and I “needed” it.


There is no use picking on myself or my family. We are not alone there are thousands of us out there doing the same thing, pawing and grabbing at items and hunting for what everyone wants. I have found myself stuffing the little red Salvation Army buckets more this year trying to ease my guilt, but this plan is not working. Something tells me that next year, with a new and better plan for the holiday, I will be able to say to my family, “So this is Christmas…I love it, it is just what I needed!”

Friday, December 13, 2013

Tis the Season

There is no doubt it is the holidays. What little time you think you have to be ready to celebrate with family and friends begins to feel a bit like a Christmas ribbon noose, tightening as each day passes until you are gasping for one moment of free time which you promptly fill with something else that has to be done.

I have given up trying to be “ready” for the holidays. I bought Christmas cards that I probably will not send and I proclaimed this morning that “I am not making cookies!” I just end up eating them and I just don’t want to do that or have that stress. We have plenty of goodies here no one will starve or pass out from a lack of sugar. The holidays are coming whether I am ready or not, so I would rather just take it down a notch or two.

The song goes “Tis the season to be Jolly falalalalala”, and that is what I want to be. I don’t want to be bloated from too many cookies or overwhelmed by a “have to” annual agenda this year. I am giving everyone fair warning that if you are expecting the usual you will be disappointed. I am not Scrooge and I am not giving up on traditions, I am just slowing down the pace enough so that I can be jolly, after all tis the season right?

The trick will be that I actually follow through with this plan. There is always a chance at the last minute the desire for a homemade cookie or my guilt over not sending cards kicks in and falalalala turns into FLAAAAAAA as I become a high speed blender of activity trying to make up for my non stress plan. All I know is that on December 26th, non of this will matter for another 365 days so whatever happens I know that in a week and a half the season will be over and life’s pace will even out.


Awww, now I’m a little sad and feeling like I need a Christmas cookie and I should probably send out a card or two to loved ones that are out of state…FALALALALA (ribbon tightening… feeling the holiday noose…) and so it begins, tis the season! 

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Wrapcrastination

So the furnace issue is solved, repaired by a professional for the price of a VERY nice Christmas gift, HOHOHO. I prefer knowing my furnace is working properly and that the wading pool is closed over a fancy gift anyway (this info should remain between me and you, I don’t want to let my husband off the hook from doing his usual last minute Christmas shopping for me). I can almost move on from this week’s drama, just a few more hours of the fan blowing to dry out the office and we should be all set.

Now I am faced with circling back to what I should have been doing this week, wrapping gifts. Just one year I would like to buy a gift and wrap it instead of waiting and wrapping like my hair is on fire. Basically I wait so long to wrap that I grab the gifts swirl paper around them and slap on a piece of tape. Who has time for the coordinating bows and wrapping paper with the lovely sparkly tag, certainly not me?

The truth is if I started wrapping when I thought “I should wrap” I would be done now and bragging about it. Instead I shove bag after bag into Santa’s sleigh room hoping the elves will surprise me. This is called Wrapcrastination it sounds like a bad word, and this time of year it really is. The other downside to this wrapcrastination plan is that I have so much shoved into the sleigh room that there are bags at the bottom of the room that I discover and proclaim “I forgot I bought this!” My children reap the rewards of my faulty plan every year.

Today I had planned to get myself together and complete a few tasks but I am afraid that sitting in my chair writing and procrastinating are the order of my day so far. I am just going to have to flip this leg rest down and dump my puppies (They are so cute and snuggly around my legs) on the floor, go run on my tread mill and pretend like I am a productive member of society. I will use the fake it until you get it plan. If nothing else I have to at least wrap my husband’s gifts. The man is out of town, what better time to get this job accomplished?


I wish you a productive and wonderfully pleasant day!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Water Dampens the Home Fires

Yesterday I shared how I was on my own this week to take care of our hearth and home. I was all puffed up about how I can handle it and it is no big deal, I’m just taking one for the team. This morning I have to report that it sounded good in theory but it was tough to put in practice. As soon as I threw “I am woman hear me roar” into the universe, I was met with a challenge.  

As I was preparing to run errands yesterday I ran into my husband’s home office to see what type of print cartridges I needed to buy for our printer. (SIDE NOTE: I buy these printer cartridges all the time and every time I have to go check to see what I need. I annoy myself!) I ran into the office looked at the model number and ran out and as I was sprinting up the stairs I realized that my socks were wet. Isn’t that fun, when you are all set to head in one direction and life stops you dead in your tracks! I was standing on the stairs trying to figure out why my socks were wet and decided grudgingly that I should head back down the stairs and find the wet spot…AGH!

Down the stairs I went looking for the reason for my wet socks and I found it. Water had seeped under the office wall from the furnace room and basically turned my husband’s office into a swimming pool (exaggeration due to frustration!). I tried using our old shop Vac to clean up the water, but because I am always an I LOVE LUCY episode the hose kept dropping out of the vacuum. I decided to unplug the humidifier on the furnace and prayed that would ease the water issue. The crappy vacuum headed to the trash and I just kept feeling like I was being mocked for acting like keeping the home fires burning was no big deal.

This morning I decided that I needed a trained professional to come in and back me up. I have never repaired a furnace nor do I even want to begin to diagnose what is causing us to have the beginnings of a wading pool in our basement, that job belongs to a highly skilled professional not Lucy. I can do a lot of things but messing around with a furnace is not a good idea…AT ALL! I have called our furnace company which I should have done yesterday and they will be here tomorrow…they would have come today but I have a busy afternoon and cannot be stuck here waiting for the furnace repair company. Yeah I know, priorities, however keep in mind it is the holidays and every minute counts right now!

Basically, my womanly roar is more like a meow. I act like I have it all under control, but the truth is I am always doing the fake it until you get it thing, with the focus on the fake it part. This time tomorrow I hope that our furnace mystery is solved, easily and inexpensively. My puffed up demeanor is more subdued now. For fun I looked up quotes to remind me how life works and I will share them with you today.




This was just in case I forgot that I am just a cog in this wheel of life and that I can think and plan whatever I want, but in the end God is running the show. Have a good day and stay dry!

Monday, December 9, 2013

Living Single or Living

My husband works from home, but once a month he travels to the Atlanta, Georgia area to work from his main office for a week. Once a month I live like a single lady. Now before you start thinking I am a tart and run around on my man let me clarify. I am here at home keeping the home fires burning, but all the normal household tasks that we share become all mine. If something breaks, it’s my problem, trash night…that’s me dragging the bins to the curb, taking the dogs out…all me, all week long. There are many more items that become part of my agenda but I don’t want to bore you. Basically I become King and Queen of my domain. My youngest that is still at home with me will help out here and there, but the mental weight of tasks and life here at Casa Beadle are not hers to bear, they are mine.

The flip side of this pressure and stress is the opportunity to change up what is our “normal” schedule. My daughter and I have become accustom to heading out once during the “single” week and treating ourselves to ice cream. We also are much more laid back about dinner, choosing to forgo the usual dinner time routine for eating when we please or we go out to eat.  Along with all of this breaking of routine comes the random nights when my big high school girl turns into my little girl again and wants to sleep in Mom’s bed with her. These breaks from the normal routine have made the weight of responsibility a little easier to take.

I miss my guy when he goes on the road. I miss talking to him and snuggling with him. I also miss having someone to lean on or back me up when life throws me a curve ball, trying to share the burden over the phone just doesn’t cut it. I remember wondering when I was a single lady if I would ever meet anyone that would love me and now that I have that it is tough to give it up even for five days once a month. I find myself thinking about all of the woman that share their husband every day. Military wife’s for example that say good bye to their husband not knowing where exactly he will be and even harder when and if he will come home.

I can handle being slightly single once a month, better women than me do it every day. If it means we are able to be warm and safe, with a roof over our heads and a trip to Dairy Queen once a month, I will haul trash, take out the dogs and handle what I need to handle. Maybe I am not living single after all, maybe I’m just living like everybody else.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Who Can I Bless Today?

As I was trolling through Facebook this morning, I came upon a post from a store that I like called Fabulous Finishes. I have included their picture in my blog today. I am not sure why but the idea of setting out with the intention of being a blessing really struck me. After yesterdays post, it feels a little like a theme. The only difference is the “Who can I bless today?” shows more intention than my “Holiday Madness” random decision to try to prod a cranky clerk out of her bad attitude.  

I like the idea of intentionally setting out to bless or do good, if you will. Working your way through the day and thinking of each interaction with people as an opportunity to be a blessing to them rather than the self involved me focused attitude of “What are you going to do for me?”

Somehow this one simple question changed my day. I had already prepared my mental list of things and people I was annoyed by and I was gearing up for a day of agitation and frustration and then I saw this picture posted on Facebook and my mind stopped in its tracks and I thought… “Oh…yeah, that is a much better idea” this thought process lifted the burden of agitation and annoyance and replaced it with responsibility. I am the author of my own day and if I just change my mental dialogue, I can change what happens in my own story.  


Today I plan to be a blessing. I am not sure what that entails, but my attitude is already different so I am hoping the rest will follow. The holidays can sometimes trap us in what we want and don’t want thoughts and perhaps with just a simple change of how we think we can turn our Holiday Madness into a BLESSING. 

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Holiday MAdNesS


The holidays can work two ways with people…they are delighted that it is holiday time and loving all the scurrying around preparing for festivities OR they are annoyed at all the happy people and shoppers, the extra traffic, long lines and in general the disruption in their usual schedules. If you are lucky you see very few of the Scrooge like creatures because they sincerely do not like being around the rest of us.


Yesterday I had to return a dress I had purchased for my youngest daughter. In spite of my decree that I would no longer shop without her I found myself holding a beautiful holiday dress as I was shopping on Black Friday and thought I should grab the frock and bring it home to her. The good news…she loved the dress (YAY) the bad news…it was too big (AGH!!). Now I was faced with returning the dress to the store, which I was not looking forward to.

I decided to make my return midmorning yesterday hoping to miss much of the frenzied shoppers. My plan was to get in and get out of the store (I hear you laughing, but a girl has to have hope!) but it was the best laid plans scenario and in and out was just not happening. It was my own fault; I was distracted by all the pretty lipsticks and the new perfume fragrances out for the holiday. ANYWAY…after my detour at the cosmetics counter I headed over to the Juniors Dept. to return my daughter’s dress. That’s when I met Scroogatha. She came ambling up behind the counter and basically acted like she wanted to help, sucked me in to smiling at her and then BAM. She began by not really acknowledging me other than taking the dress and scanning it. Then she started a conversation with the other clerk about having to get away from the other counter because she could not take their “chattiness”. When I made an attempt at chipping away at the iceberg and said something silly I was met with stony silence. I mean really you cannot throw me a bone? Not even a pretend smile? WHATEVER, I have people that like me you know!

Anyway…I left the counter and stupidly headed out through the Juniors Dept. and stumbled into another possible dress option. OK I am lying I went searching, but in fairness I had a great coupon burning a hole in my pocket! This time I was not going back to Scroogatha’s counter, (I had had enough of her) so I headed toward a short line where everyone was smiling, even the clerks. Just as I approached the counter here came Scroogatha who looked at one of the clerks and said “You have to go to the other counter so that ___?___ can take her break”. The whole time I am thinking “This cannot be happening! Didn’t I just move over here to get away from you?” That’s when it hit me, I had to continue to be nice, God had a plan.

I know it sounds crazy, but I just felt like this was my chance to show her kindness and turn her heart even if it was just for minute. It was not going to be easy since the dress did not have a price tag and she would have to look it up, but I had no choice, I could not tell the woman I was trying to get away from her! So I handed her the dress and remained calm, smiling and thanking her. Her demeanor started to change a little and my defenses started to relax. Next to me another customer was wondering about getting a coupon and she was told there were none to give out, so I offered her one of mine. Somehow this one last moment brought Scroogatha’s final chip off her shoulder and she sent me on my way as pleasant as she could be. It was amazing!

I’m not going to take credit for changing this lady’s life or anything, but I learned that sometimes fate puts us in the path of a challenge and we have to make our way through it or it comes back, sometimes sooner than we want. Perhaps, Scroogatha went on to have a pleasant happy day and her heart turned and she skipped out of work looking forward to heading home to work on holiday preparations. Then again maybe this was a momentary drop of her crusty grouchy exterior. Whatever it was I was able to see two sides of the same person and it made me think that perhaps some people handle holiday madness differently than I do. I become energized and excited at finding the perfect gift and entertaining. My guess is that Scroogatha looks forward to not chatting and having some time alone.


Whatever gets your holiday boat floating, I hope that you enjoy yourself. I also hope that you have the opportunity to touch someone with kindness. We will all need a little morale boost here and there in the next few weeks, so if we work together maybe we can get the happy people and the Scrooge like creatures into the New Year without too much holiday madness.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

How Hard Can it Be?

It sounds easy on paper…write a blog every day. It’s not! A few years ago when I was chronicling my way through a horrible couple years with my family, writing was a safe haven, a place for me to release the stress and strains of every twist and turn in my families crazy lives. Words came easily and flowed quickly. It helped that much of what I wrote was the completely unbelievable truth… it had to be written down as proof.

My life now is gratefully less exciting and upsetting. Some days, like yesterday I was preparing for a meeting of our Senior All Night Party committee that was meeting at my home. I woke up and started straightening up my house, still in my PJ’s at two in the afternoon I realized I was still in my PJ’s and had not written my blog. I guess my desire to be prepared for a meeting (with a house full of woman), over road my blog writing.

How hard can it be to write? I can only imagine that those famous writers that write thrilling novels that we cannot put down must become a part of the book that they write. They must become so involved in each character and plot line that they cannot wait to get back to writing each day just so they can carve out each character and plot and make them real.


Again I remind the 3 or 4 of you that read this blog that I write for me and open the window so that you can peek in. Someday maybe I will allow myself to grow past my self-consciousness about my writing and think bigger then this little window and maybe even write about something significant. I mean seriously, who really cares that I was cleaning in my pajamas? For now, I will tell you that even this mundane drivel can be a challenge some days. How hard can it be? Harder than you think.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Decorating


I’m not sure how it is at your house, but here at our house we are decorated and ready for Christmas. The tree is up and every nook and cranny is stuffed with holiday décor. Personally I enjoy feeling Christmas all around me and I can go a little nutty trying to make sure everything looks just so.

This year will be our second Christmas since Mark rebuilt our fireplace mantel. I drove my family nuts on Saturday trying to remember how my mantel looked last year because I remembered I loved it. One of my daughter’s finally said “Mom, instead of worrying about last year, why don’t you just do something nice this year and move on?” Agh, out of the mouths of babes! I was eventually able to stop being fixated, but it took some convincing.

I like getting my house all holiday fancy and I try not to do the same thing to many years in a row. I like variety…it is the spice of life you know? I started pulling out my outside decorations and they just looked so tired and worn that I asked my husband to join me in locating a new fresh look.  I am always worried about the random car driving by judging my holiday décor. I worry about comments like…”What were they thinking?” or, “That light combination does not work at all.” or “Wow, what’s with that?” I realize I have a problem, so don’t feel bad for thinking it. When it comes to Christmas lights I am a complete S N O B and I know it! I have to admit I have trained my children to be the same way. Since they were babies we have driven around on Christmas Eve night looking at lights in other neighborhoods and commenting on what we like and don’t like. I know it is very inappropriate and also very judgie, which I am usually against, but somehow I am fine with picking apart someone else’s holiday décor. I have issues, I know that, but let’s not focus on it okay? It is one night a year and it’s not like I leave a note with suggestions on how to make their display better that would be rude!

I have told my family I am not going to do any baking this year and I was rewarded with pouty faces. The issue is not so much time as it is that I CANNOT control myself and eat more than I need too. I eat the dough, I eat the cookies frozen and I eat them fresh from the oven and then I spend the rest of the holiday feeling like a giant uncontrollable pig! So because of my problem, I make everyone suffer. I suspect you may be learning way to much about me today so to help you see that I have a softer less judging side, you should know odds are good I will cave and bake some cookies, caramel popcorn, and maybe some chocolate pretzels…I always do…it’s the whole no will power thing and mothers guilt thing combined.

Whatever your holiday plans are at your house, I hope that you are happy, decorated just how you like it and if you put lights outside you don’t mind if we drive by and see what we think. I promise we won’t be mean, just a little overly critical.