Cool Before the Heat

Cool Before the Heat

It is 7:55 AM, I have done my morning walk…45 minutes instead of an hour, fed Roxanne the puppy princess and Louis my granddog and taken them out for their morning constitutional. I have also fed myself and plan to shower soon and try desperately to remain cool the remainder of the day.

I am a warm (and even HOT) weather lover and quite honestly this heat is almost too much for me. The mornings give you a sense of calm before the storm. It is warm and in the sun hot, but still somewhat breezy and cool but there is a looming sense of the heat to come. Getting out early and walking before it gets to hot is the only option.

I love this warm but cool before the heat of the day. It’s like seeing the nicely wrapped package and knowing it is for you, a gift of warmth without the heat, with birds still flitting about singing and the flowers still looking perky. Once the heat of the day begins to take over everything will start to respond to the 95 and up degree heat by drooping over…everything including people.

There are no fun recipes today, I believe I will be serving cold everything tonight or better yet, make your own self something, because I do not want to. That’s right this weather can also make some people a little cranky, including me! So forgive me if I cut this short today, I want to soak up the cool breeze while I can. Enjoy your day, think cool thoughts and drink plenty of water, wear sunscreen if you are outside. I am a Mom, I know stuff, so trust me.

Free Therapy

I like free stuff. I like when you come across something free unexpectedly like a sample of yummy food at a store, or a random item like the antique chest that I picked up off someone’s front lawn last summer. I am almost positive they were giving it away. There were a lot of other items out there including books, we knocked on the door and no one answered, so we claimed the antique chest as our own. I like to tell myself when I use the chest that it was there for me to take for free, it is much better than thinking about the possibility that I stole it, anyway I like when thing are free, I think you get the picture.

This morning I received some free therapy from my friend Pam. We were walking which we usually do on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings at 6:30 AM. This walking thing is great, it started about 15 years ago when my friend Shelly and I put on our walking shoes and off we went. Our friend Pam joined us about 6 years ago or so and if it was not for a bum foot Shelly would still be out there with us…anyway, a lot of therapy has happened in those years. Good advice, from good friends and it is FREE. This morning I was explaining to Pam how it has been hard to get back to my writing. For years the writing has poured out of me daily with no problem and now suddenly I am constantly struggling to write…this is when I received my free therapy.

Pam said to me “Haven’t you always used your writing as a therapy? Maybe you do not need to work as much out anymore? All I could say was “WOW Pam that is very true.” Free words of wisdom, I love that! I just saved myself at least $75.00 and an hour of therapy time or to be fair Pam saved me.

I have been beating myself up for suddenly being uninteresting (perhaps I never have been interesting) and I have been feeling like I have lost my writing mojo. If I listen to the sage advice of my friend, perhaps I can look at this as an opportunity to write for fun and not just to use all of you as my therapists. Hmmm novel idea don’t you think? So today I am cutting myself some slack. I am going to relax about my writing a little. I am still going to try to write something every day, because I think it is good practice but you might not hear from me one day and find a random recipe the next…according to my friend Pam “I appreciate a good recipe once in a while” and so do I.

Free is always good, and since my writing comes to you free you are lucky too. All my wisdom and humor delivered to you each day…WOW! This is where my generosity ends though, I am keeping my antique chest and enjoying my random food samples, you will have to find other free things all on your own. I should tell you though if something good comes up for free I will let you know!

Fire and Fun

I am tired of the same old routine; I have been looking for new dinner ideas and ways to entertain ourselves this summer without breaking the bank since we came close to breaking it with Aly’s graduation party.

My meal plan for dinner last night was simple…cook over the open fire in our backyard (like we used to do in our camping days). I had it all figured out that we would make sandwiches in the little Hobo pie makers. The sandwiches are fun and easy and they are also very tasty. These sandwiches are like mini Muffalatta’s a famous New Orleans sandwich.

Here is what you need:

Salami (I buy the low fat salami…stop laughing, I realize salami is basically all FAT, but it makes me feel better!)

Ham

Small burger or Sub buns

Provolone cheese

Olive Tapenade… (I used olive bruschetta that I bought at the store because I did not want to make the tapenade)

Slap it all in the bun, spray the pie maker with non stick spray and squeeze the packed bun inside and clamp it shut. Now stick your pie maker over the fire and turn often so you have a grilled yummy sandwich and not a burned one.

Since I am always trying to find new ways to have fun, I cut up some fresh Mozzarella cheese and sliced tomatoes too. I then clipped some basil from my basil plants on my deck (Don’t I sound all chef like?) and chopped it up. I also brought along to the fire some balsamic vinaigrette and made myself a yummy Caprice grilled sandwich by tossing all the ingredients into the bun and grilling it. MMMMMMmmmm GOOD!

Once the mayhem of trying to make sandwiches for six people with two pie makers was over we were all happy and roasted marshmallows to celebrate how fun we are. Then everyone scattered and I contemplated life for several hours by the fire.

Since I was too lazy to wash the fire smell off last night I am writing this morning on my patio with the breeze reminding me every so often that I smell like Smokey the Bear. I think our routine was successfully broken and the family now has more things to laugh at me about since I managed to end up with hot marshmallow dripping down the side of my face. It was quite funny… who doesn’t like a large crowd laughing and pointing at them when they are embarrassing themselves, what fun! Hey it was fun and penny saving too, a big win for Mom if you ask me.

Healing

Now that all of the party planning and partying for my middle daughter’s graduation is over I am getting the question “Have you recovered yet?” a lot. The answer is no. My recovery is from more than just a graduation party. Since May of 2009 when my Mom passed away it has been nonstop family drama. I have high hopes of this drama coming to an end, but for now recovery seem impossible. The only choice I really have is to let go of my vision of what life should be and live within what it really is.

It is impossible to imagine how this is done, and truthfully many people live lives hundreds of times worse than I could even imagine so my little bit of stress and discomfort is best let go of. I am not helping myself heal when I am always expecting something like a miracle to sweep away what my life really is right now.

The facts are this;

It is time to just let it all go and live within a new reality. Healing will happen in its own time not on my time clock. If I can just spend some quiet time each day remembering joy and peace eventually the hard shell I have formed to protect myself will slowly soften. In this moment this protective coating is my safest place, this protective coating is also causing me to deflect people in fear of more hurt. I trust no one.

Healing will come slowly but the opportunity to rest now that the party is over will help. Time alone will also help. This idea of being alone has turned into a road trip for me today. I am climbing in my car and driving…not too far and not for long, but a little time alone will help me rejuvenate. Today will be whatever it needs to be and I am going to ride the wave of healing in good time.

Writer's Cramp

It has been far too long since I have written. It is to the point now that I fear I have lost the ability to write at all. I have enjoyed not feeling like I had to write, but that has also contributed to my writing delinquency. My hope is that if I start out slowly I can get back to a comfortable pattern of sharing my endless thoughts about mostly nonsense.

It feels as though my brain has cramped up and is unable to open enough to let the tiniest thoughts out. I can only hope that by returning to my habit and writing a little each day, I will recapture the ability of sharing my thoughts and feelings in a way that is enjoyable for others. Right now it seems as though I have a globbie thick paste for a brain. Paste is not a good path way for thoughts to travel at all.

I must hang up my writer’s habit for the day since my youngest has an audition to become a princess at a party palace for little girls. She needs my help doing her hair in a princess hairdo. I do not make this stuff up people, this is my real life and I am often just as amazed as you at the things I get myself into. Let me be clear, having never been a princess, I am not really sure I am able to pull off the look she needs, but I am sure I will try my hardest and that is all I can do.

It is good to have the Graduation party behind me so that I can do fun things like princess hair and driving the princess to her audition. Later for fun I will fold laundry and make dinner.  Maybe all this royal hoopla will help with my writer’s cramp.

Summer Vacation is Finally Here

Finally summer vacation is here. Aly has graduated and Avery has finished her last day of school last Friday. So today I am taking a few minutes in my perch overlooking my backyard and a few short minutes to write. That will be the extent of any possible vacation until next week end is over. I do not have a lot of time to dilly dally this week, because we have planned Aly’s Graduation party for this coming Saturday.

Summer vacation used to be a lot more relaxing. This summer in particular will be different because Aly is working and hopefully (cross your fingers) so will Avery. Plus we are preparing to send our middle daughter (Aly) off t0 college in the fall and just because we like to make things super fun, Aly and I leave Sunday afternoon (the day after the party) to head to her college orientation. We will spend the night there and be orientated the next day. Fun, fun, fun, it just never ends!

In my mind that means that next Tuesday morning when I open my peepers I will be able to take a deep breath and look at summer with a whole new attitude. Some of the big stressful stuff will be over and I will only have to worry about things like stuff for the dorm and moving the daughter to the dorm. We all know that how I picture things happening and how they really happen are two different things, but leave me alone with my fantasy for now will you? I deserve a bit of fake relief if only for a few minutes.

I am also on the verge of taking a cattle prod to my youngest she has put off taking her driving test and now I believe I may be driving my daughter everywhere until I die. How did I manage to raise a child that thinks putting something off is the best way to handle something stressful? Maybe my take charge attitude has actually enabled her. All I know is that some BIG changes are going to happen and quick. I am not a chauffeur and I am not a taxi! I have paid my Mom dues and the days of driving able bodied people where they need to be are over! Unless my “Baby” wants a long lonely summer, she had best get driving!!

In a twist of when stress enters sometimes another leaves, word came Friday night that my parent’s house was sold. The closing papers were signed and the money divided between my Mom’s estate and my Dad’s and another part of that sad history is behind us. The hope is that maybe in the next few weeks we can settle all of this and my sisters and I can get on with our lives and hopefully heal. It would be nice to finally lay my Mom to rest. I still have her ashes (along with her dog and cat’s ashes…do not judge me!) in a container in my living room and my plan had always been to disperse them once the estate dispute is finally over. I do not dare get my hopes up yet, but it is nice to think that the day may come when life is more about our everyday stress and less about the stress my Dad created.

Ahhhhh Summer. If I close my eyes and breathe in, I almost feel calm. Then I open my eyes and realize that I have to get my fanny in gear and get some stuff done around here for this weekend’s shindig (Do people use that word anymore?). If nothing else, I want to get back to my writing, I miss blabbing about all my nonsense every day, even if you don’t miss reading about all the nonsense. It is getting close to 10 AM, the time I decided I would start vacuuming to wake up my children (TEEHEE) so I will touch base with you probably Thursday this week and let you know how my strategic party preparation mission is going! Happy Summer to you and if yours has not started yet, happy day!

Party Planner

The last few days have been a whirlwind. Aly graduated on Sunday and we had several activities leading up to that one day. Now our home is in full on party preparation mode. There is a lot to do and my eyes are bugging out, mainly because I am just not as focus as I usually am and when I remember what I have forgotten, I freak out!

We will be having our graduation celebration in less than two weeks and while I am excited to have a bash here at our home, I am also unable to pull it all together without a whole lot of prodding by my friends. I have had elbow jabs about menus and ordering food and phone calls that need to be made. If it was not for the shoves from my friends I would be in a world of hurt right now.

There has been too much happening and I have just shut down. It is funny how that happens you are going along happily living your life and suddenly BAM you are off track, unfocused and a bit crazy. I am not to the point of talking to myself or living on the street, but I am not the party planner I once was and it is disappointing.

Sometimes the one thing that you want least to do is the only thing between you and the funny farm, for me this party is it. The party is keeping me heading in a straight direction. I cannot stop or I will end up letting go of the last fibers of some sort of sanity. Do not get me wrong I want to have the party and I am looking forward to celebrating Aly’s graduation, I am just overwhelmed by it all which makes me not as excited as I should be.

In the middle of all of this I still need to focus on the rest of my family.

My youngest, who has a lot of activities going on including job hunting, working on getting her license (any day now) and having just been voted Co-President of the Junior class, which means her political career and student council are also a focus.

My husband, who is fighting to not become depressed about a job he hates and a wife who has a list of to do's that he thinks will never end.

My oldest daughter, who has just moved home temporarily, who needs some TLC.

And then there is me…Crazy Glued together hoping to make it another couple of weeks with the help of my personal party planners. I am now tying a knot at the end of this rope and hanging on while I simultaneously plop on my party planner hat. It is just another day of fun and excitement.

OUR GRADUATE!!